Tiffany Grand: Author-Songwriter-Playwright-Media Producer-Publisher, and now... Online Retail Store owner. Yes, my list of adjectives is long (and I expect to keep growing as long as I'm still breathing). But this post is written specifically to share about my newest creative/professional/"Baby".
            The AFFIRMATIONS GIFT SHOP
          A new online store specializing in selling original designed products (designed by me of course) such as shirts, jewelry, mugs, pillows, throw blankets, books and more. All with inspirational and life affirming messages to encourage people, empower people, and help them heal and learn of their worth one product and post at a time. 
           But I won't lie, it's also going to be a place for me to share and promote some of my more inspiring and uplifting books, music and magazine publications (hence why I justify shamelessly plugging it on this website now). Like the upcoming inspirational non-fiction book "Better Late Than Never" or my developing self-help book "The Self-Affirmations Workbook: Reprogramming Your Mental Computer. Because the Words We Speak to and About Ourselves are What's Most Important".  I will be selling these and more in the online store. Then eventually- God willing- I would like to be a presence at physical locations such as craft fairs, festivals, pop-up shops and ideally my own brick and mortar location. Complete with it's own stage set up for showcasing live performances of positive musical acts, live theatre, inspirational speakers and book readings by inspirational authors. That's a lot. I know. But a girl can dream, can't she? 
           And with Christmas just around the corner, it seemed like the perfect time to finally get this business idea off the ground. So please consider checking out www.affirmationsgiftshop.com for some of your holiday & birthday giving needs. Full of positive merch to help encourage yourself and those around you. 
             Please like and follow the Affirmations Gift Shop on Facebook and Instagram @affirmationsgiftshop. And of course continue following me on here and social media @TiffanyGMedia for the most up-to-date info on my newest releases in music, books, theatre, and film. Thanks. XOXO. 

          So, Friday was my birthday. I spent the night before and the morning of being terribly depressed, obsessing about what I want to do with my future and beating myself up about my choices in the past. All because at now 36, my life looks nothing like I planned when I was in High School, a time when I felt like I knew myself the best. Somewhere along the way I got lost.  I stopped following my heart and started using my head, making decisions based on what I thought were more practical or that I thought other people would approve of instead of boldly and unapologetically pursuing the real dreams in my heart. Somewhere along the way I stopped being authentic. Or maybe I never really was. But no more!
          In reality, I have a nice life and am working on a lot of great projects that I’m very proud of. I’ve got a few one act musical plays that I’ve written and will be producing when this whole Covid19/Social Distancing craziness is over. I’m currently in the process of producing demos for the soundtracks for the shows and other music to encourage people. As well as a bunch of other projects that are still in the early stages.
          But in the last few years I had suffered so much regret and self-loathing for how I let my life turn out, I admit I haven’t fully enjoyed the last few years at all. I’m never living in the moment because I’m always either too busy kicking myself for my past decisions (not following my heart) and stuck worrying about what to do now so I don’t suffer the same regrets in the future. Neither of which make me a fun person to be around, and my poor boyfriend, bless his heart, gets ignored more than I like to admit because I’m always so lost in my head to give him attention. Another thing I’m sure I’ll regret in the future, but that’s a message for another day.
          The point is that I’m this far into adulthood and I’m still thrashing around trying to figure out who I am, who I want to be, and how to get BACK to the person I was supposed to be all along. Right now I feel so behind. Like 10-15 years behind. There’s so much work that would need to be done in order to make up for all the time and experiences I missed out on and to do everything I always planned to have done by this time in my life. It’s overwhelming and frustrating to think about. And I admit, I go through these ruts that sometimes last weeks and even months where I’m so overwhelmed and discouraged, losing out on hope, that I don’t do anything but obsessively Google random stuff online or just reread drafts of scripts over and over again in an anxiety ridden haze. And then one day I wake up, more motivated and determined than ever to write and create, only to be frustrated again because I realize how much MORE time I wasted that I could have used to help me get closer to my dreams and living my passion. And thus, the vicious cycle continues.
          I know I’m not the only one who struggles with these kinds of things. So I want to encourage others with a lesson I’m learning. You might have made mistakes or feel like you missed your chance, but if you’re still alive and kicking then you can STILL pursue the life you imagined. It might have to happen differently than how you originally envisioned when you were young and unencumbered by the negativity and discouragement from the world, your own limiting thinking, or well-meaning but unbelieving people in your life. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least TRY.  
           It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you were on the right path. You can always get back to it. All you have to do it “Start where you are. Pick up where you left off. And get back to doing what has always been deep in your heart.”

 
      So I had a bit of an emotional blow today. My boyfriend Adam, well-meaning and supportive as he is, decided it would be a good idea to share some of my new music on a local community group on Facebook today. He’s proud of me and the work that I’ve been doing creatively and felt like this would help get me more public exposure to propel my brand forward.
         Sounds logical enough, right?
         I guess we were wrong.
    When he first told me what he did, my skin crawled. I was so embarrassed! It was just a short video of me singing an excerpt from my upcoming musical play “Retail! the Musical”. A show I absolutely can NOT WAIT to put on and share with the world but that will undoubtedly have to be put on hold while we as a country face this COVID19 pandemic (ya know, for social distancing and all).
       In the first 15 minutes of it being posted to the group page, my view count increased dramatically. I finally started to get excited. After all, I’m familiar with over half of the people in this community through my years of customer service (which is the inspiration behind this particular musical play he was promoting). I started to believe my fellow New Paltz NY people would be supportive of their local girl doing something positive. The song he shared is titled “Enlarge Your Vision”. Although I admit it’s a completely irrelevant message during a national health pandemic. But it’s a positive, encouraging message for anyone still holding on to a dream, and I think THAT is always relevant and well needed during any crisis.
    Well, apparently, the people of our local community group felt differently. Within a half hour or so the video clip had already been deleted. Which, I admit, was a hurtful blow to my ego. I mean we weren’t trying to sell anything or promote anything negative. Something that a lot of those people in the group can’t say for themselves (I’ve witnessed so much hate and discourse within that community since becoming a member. The thought to remove myself from the group voluntarily is a weekly occurrence).    
       So, my only other thought behind their reasoning of removing my video was because they didn’t like it. That maybe I secretly suck at writing and singing and should give it up entirely. Which, as I write those words now I know that is absolute absurdity! After all, I’m just a writer and media producer, trying to create positive multimedia through my personal brand www.TiffanyGrandMedia.com and my business brand www.FemmespireMedia.com. Who wouldn’t like that?
       But the thought did cross my mind. And why? Because I struggle with my own inner demons and emotional wounds. Hearing echoes of negative, critical voices in my head from the past. It’s a constant struggle, and one I fight with daily, almost hourly. I'm even working on a book titled "The Self-Affirmations Workbook: Reprogramming Your Mental Computer. Because the Words We Speak to and About Ourselves is What's Most Important". I'm passionate about the issues of mental health and encouraging others to live their truths. 
         But this is also my motivation behind everything else I am trying to do with my life. All of the plays I’m writing, the songs I’m creating, the video game against abuse that I’m developing, and all the encouraging little posts I try to release for social media. It’s all to encourage, inspire, and empower other people who struggle, or have struggled with the feelings of insecurity, worthlessness, discouragement, regret, shame, self-loathing, and rage against those who misunderstand them or don’t see their worth entirely.
      I’ve been there. And for more days that I like to admit…I’m still there. Fighting along with you. But I just want to encourage you and anyone else who has ever felt rejected and invisible that you are lovable and valuable just the way you are right now- even if other’s don’t see you. (listen to this song demo when you need a reminder of your worth) Don’t let anyone else dim your shine. You just keep pushing through and doing you. That’s what I’m going to keep doing.
        Today, my boyfriend Adam is building me a vocal recording booth. So I can finally produce more professional quality recordings of my songs. Songs that I might release as a solo recording artist, but mostly for soundtrack albums for my musical plays and short films coming up when this whole social distancing/self-quarantine/Covid19 craziness is over. I’m determined to encourage and share positivity with other people, even if SOME PEOPLE aren’t open to sharing mine.
       This is a crazy, scary time we live in right now. But I am confident it will get better. And like my song that they deleted says “You’ve got to enlarge your vision. Take a leap of faith. Expect more from your life and be bold in the choices that you make. Some might call you crazy, unrealistic and naive. You’ve got to enlarge your vision, and never give up on your dreams.”

          They say we believe the words we say to and about ourselves more than anyone else. And that the hurtful words said to us in our childhood can become our own negative inner dialogue. But just because we THINK something, or even someone else thinks something about us doesn’t make it true. But the belief in the criticism can still do so much damage to our feelings of self-worth if we’re not careful.
          Children often believe what they are told, especially if it’s from a trusted adult like a parent or teacher. So, if you were told as a child that you were stupid, ugly, worthless, unlovable- or just made to feel that way by their unintended actions- it can have long lasting effects on us well into adulthood.
      What negative words have you listened to and believed about yourself? What do you ruminate on and replay over and over in your head? Is it positive, life-affirming, and helping you live your best life possible? Or does it tear you down, hurt your heart, and make you increasingly insecure, fearful, or vulnerable? Have you ever even thought about the words you speak to and about yourself?
           Well, I have been considering it a lot lately and I’ve realized how it has impacted nearly every day and every action of my life. I am nowhere near where I want to be in my life and I can see very clearly how my damaged thought life has been the culprit holding me back. But no more! Or at least it’s time to finally start taking my own advice. I don’t know about you, but I have too much I want to do with my life, so it’s time to tell the negative party in my head to shut the f*** up!
     If you struggle with low self-esteem, shame, or feelings of worthlessness  then it’s time to flip the script. Reprogram your mental computer. Speak positive, encouraging, life-affirming messages to yourself to counteract all the hurtful and discouraging words that have been spoken over you in your past. Make a list and tape it to your bathroom mirror, or keep it in your purse, and read it and re-read it over and over until you believe it. Declare love and acceptance over yourself. You are valuable and worthy the way you are right now, brokenness and all. But you don’t have to remain broken and haunted by deep rooted pain any longer.
       Your healing won’t happen overnight. You had probably spent years, maybe even decades rehashing past hurts and opening old wounds, so it’s safe to accept that it will take some time to break the old habits and rewire your thought patterns. But you can do it.
         Every moment that you feel tempted to beat yourself up or criticize yourself but speak positivity into yourself instead is a step closer to healing. Forgive yourself for believing lies. You are only human after all. But don’t let someone else’s words control you any longer.
        The old adage “hurting people, hurt people” is true. Most likely, the people who hurt you in your life did it because they were struggling with their own pain and rejection issues. They’ve believed negative, discouraging things about themselves (probably told to them by someone else) and were just perpetuating the cycle. Intentionally or unintentionally, it doesn’t matter. The point is it happened and it’s time to change it.
        The Bible refers to this as generational curses. Which I may elaborate on at a later date. Either way, it’s time to break the cycle. Confess to God of your deep rooted, secret wounds and allow him to heal you. To renew your mind and transform your life and finally live the life you were created for. But don’t be afraid to put in the work. Make those lists, speak those life-affirming words. Fight back the negative, critical voice in your head with love, forgiveness, self-acceptance, and encouragement. You are lovable, you are worthy, you are capable of great things and you WILL be healed.
          I’ve written a poem and a song adapted from it titled “Affirmations Song (I Am Lovable)”.  Please listen to them below. And share with your friends and loved ones who could use the reminders. Thank you for reading.

          ​So, I’ve been wanting to get into directing- particularly for my own plays and musicals. I mean, what better way to get my work out there and help build my “brand” than by me doing it all myself (or at least initially by myself). But directing and producing shows is overwhelming, and to be honest, I have absolutely zero experience in it.
          So being the research loving person I am, I started looking into classes and workshops to learn how to direct for film and theatre professionally. Not that I can realistically afford to take any classes right now- but a girl can dream, can’t she?
         Anyway, one thing I kept noticing as a common assignment among all of the classes I was interested in was that they required the students to practice by directing a one or two page script. Mostly for time constraints I’m sure. But then it hit me.
           Why don’t I write a super short script, one to two pages in length myself? Something easy to produce. Something that can be completed fairly quickly (because I’m an impatient and overeager girl).
        I’ve gotten into the habit of writing short form plays of 10-20 minutes long in the last several years and am a huge fan of the 10 minute/one act genre. But let’s be real, making my 20 minute show “Retail!: the Musical”, complete with 5 actors and 4 musical numbers that will ALSO have to be produced- doesn’t seem like a great idea for my first production. I mean I absolutely LOVE the script and the songs and CANNOT WAIT for you to get to see it, but I know deep down it will be a bit too much work for me to tackle for my first directorial experiment. Unless you count the audio sample I did for my developing Sci-Fi musical “The Other Me” but I don’t. Not really.
         So, anyway, here I am. Writing some super short scripts of 1-2 pages in length that I plan to be filming and sharing with you soon. I might have to act them out myself for a while, but it will definitely be good practice either way. Baby steps in the right direction is what I always say. I’m setting goals, making plans, and getting closer to the realization of my dreams one day at a time. And I hope you will too. Life is too short, so make it the one you want. One step at a time is all it takes. 

         So, after spending the last few years trying to build the “socially conscious multimedia company” Femmespire Media, I’ve decided to change my focus. Or at least, I’ve decided to STREAMLINE my focus. I’m considering closing shop. I have already cancelled my business website. At least for now. I’ve got too many things I want to do with my life and already have enough on my plate. It’s time to FOCUS on what I REALLY WANT and not what I think other people will think is more credible. Which I admit, I have been guilty of. Big time.
           But lets be real, everything that’s been done for Femmespire Media is ME anyway. All the encouraging little stories, positive books, plays, music and inspirational quote sharing I had been working on in its name has been my vision and MY heart all along. So why should I waste all this time being so split brained trying to build a separate brand? When in reality- I AM THE BRAND.
        Tiffany Grand. Tiffany Grand Media. That is a potentially powerful brand in and of itself. Don’t believe me? Just ask Oprah. I don’t need to be hiding behind the mask of a separate enterprise. No matter how much telling people I’m building a business and an online store has made me feel like less of a crazy person with crazy artsy dreams.
            I am Tiffany Grand: Songwriter, Playwright, Author, soon-to-be Director and Producer of media with positive messages. A woman passionate about writing musical theatre, the eventual movie musical, and books with soundtrack albums. Discussing issues of mental health, self-esteem, facing fear, letting go of regret, and living your truth. I’ve talked a big game behind the mask of Femmespire Media long enough, but it’s time to finally live it for myself.
            The goals and dreams I have may not necessarily be new, as they are things I’ve been dreaming of and working on in some capacity my entire life. But the decision to focus on building my personal brand and vision SOLELY is new and loooong over-due. So C.S. Lewis’s quote will always ring true.
            “You’re never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
       And this crazy writer life is mine. Full of its ups and downs and struggles with focus. But I’m gonna do it. It’s my life and I only get one. I can’t waste it trying to be someone else or working on projects that don’t feel authentic to me. When I’m on my death bed, I want to look back and be proud of the legacy I left behind. I want to know I said everything I had in my heart to say to people through my gifts and passion for writing. I want to encourage people, validate people, and stir them up to live their best lives possible through the arts. I want to be vulnerable, honest, and real. Something I admit, I have never really been.
            So here I am. Setting new goals and just trying to be me. I have so many great projects in the works. I can’t wait for you to see them. Thank you for joining me on this journey. And if you aren’t already, please follow me on social media @TiffanyGMedia. Thanks again. 

     I know, I know, I've been behind on the posting lately. I've been busy writing new songs and scripts for musical theatre (the thing I love the most) and stressing about trying to find a second/new job. Which I admit, has had me struggling with additional anxiety and depression. I was in a rut. But things are turning around! 
  After what's probably nearly a decade worth of working in retail/customer service jobs- I'm getting something positive out of it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I will always love my retail family (especially you, my Nashville Walgreens people) but it was NOT what I thought I was going to do with my life. Now I only work in customer service part-time, with some side-hustles, as I pursue this crazy writer-entrepreneur life. But it's been extremely therapeutic to write about my experience in a fun musical way. And when the complete musical play is officially staged I hope it will speak to other people as well. 
      I am determined to get positive things from my disappointments and perceived mistakes in life, and this show is just another bi-product of that. 
      Check out the demo song from my new project "Retail! the musical" above. This is an excerpt from the longer work. It's a show for 5 characters, all composed on the UKULELE. I hope you enjoy. 
       
        

       Woo! So, I’ve been working on a full length, Sci-Fi, pop/rock musical titled “The Other Me”. It isn’t done yet, but I’m eager to share some of my work in progress.
         So, I made a little video, an audio-play/lyric video of the opening musical scene. The entire thing is written, produced, and performed by me. Although, I admit, I am NOT a singer or an actress, nor do I have ANY aspirations to be one. I am 200% a writer: a scriptwriter, songwriter and author with maybe some director/producer fantasies.
        But I also think it’s important to put some work out into the world. I’m always putting off sharing things until it’s “perfect” or I feel “ready”. But let’s be real, things will never be perfect and I probably won’t EVER feel ready. So, time to stop procrastinating and let people in on the process.
          I think of this audioplay/lyric vid as a DEMO/SAMPLE of the musical in progress. Something to help keep me accountable and hopefully help garner some interest from other, much more talented singers/actresses/film crew.
        This particular sample is only 5 minutes long. I also have a 10 minute One-Woman Musical Play version that I would like to have performed live on stage. Ya know, kind of like an appetizer for the full-length version.
       If you are interested in getting involved in any capacity don’t hesitate to hit me up! Email me at TiffanyGrandMedia@gmail.com. But until everything is ready, enjoy this little 5 minute demo video.
           Arthur Ashe said it well: “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” So that’s what I’m trying to do. That’s what I AM doing. This video is only the tip of the iceberg. There are still so many awesome projects I’m working on that are near completion. I can’t wait to share them with you in the future. Thanks for your support!

          ​So, I’ve been particularly down lately. This past week has been rough emotionally. Wounds from the pasts, childhood stuff that I thought I had moved on from have been creeping their ugly faces back up to the surface and knocking the wind out of me. I’ve had gut wrenching sob fests at least once a day, every day this week. And it has not been fun.
          I am broken. I suffer a lot of deep-rooted rejection issues from my family. Words and experiences that still haunt me to this day, that I don’t know how to break away from. I truly thought I was getting better but the door came flying open again. Although I suppose, if I’m honest with myself it was probably never really closed to begin with. I just stuck a metaphorical poster or book shelf in front of it for a while in my mind.
       Emotional healing is a process. A long process. And it hurts. A LOT.
          I, by no means, have it together and it sucks to admit it. But what I have gotten out of it is a deep, intense passion to encourage and share love with others. Whether that be through books, plays with positive message, the new empowering shirt designs I’ll be releasing shortly, or just through all the little inspirational quote images and posts I share on the Femmespire Media social media pages.
          I am DETERMINED to help people through my own pain. I am determined to be that encouraging, supportive, loving, empathetic voice I never really felt like I got. I’m determined to help other people who struggle with insecurity, depression, feelings of worthlessness and rejection, who feel invisible and looked over, and just plain need a reminder of their worth and value. I have struggled with all of that immensely over the years and I know I’m not alone. Some people are just more aware of it than others. But it’s OK.
         I want to remind you that if you struggle as well that you are no less lovable, valuable or worthy because of your wounds and occasional weakness. You are no less a survivor because you break down on occasion. Just don’t STAY DOWN. Don’t let your brokenness defeat you. CHOOSE to take the bad things in your life-whatever they are- and use them to help other people. Just like the above image quote says:
 
“If you feel discouraged..
Encourage others.
If you struggle with low self-esteem
and feelings of worthlessness..
​Compliment someone else.
If you feel unloved and invisible.. 
Give someone else who’s having a bad day
a hug or a needed listening ear.
Share and be the love
you feel you didn’t get
when you needed it the most.
It’s not selfish.
It’s called being determined
to help someone else through your own pain
and not letting the past win.
Break the cycle.”
 
          *I’ll be donating copies of the Femmespire Magazine and a portion of all sales of the upcoming merch to organizations that help hurting, broken people. Follow me on social media and my websites to stay up to date and to find out how you can help.

#sharethelove #helpthehurting #encourageothers #emotionalhealing #bethedifference.