But not the things I wanted to get done.
I have so many projects that I started working on, with self-imposed deadlines, but this week I can’t seem to get to them.
From the new Femmespire Magazine I’m trying to publish in the next several months; to the books, music, & shirts with inspirational messages on them I want to sell on the web-store I still have to design. Not to forget the encouraging blog posts I like to write for my multiple websites, social media posts and content marketing.
Building a brand and a product line is a lot of work.
It’s frustrating. I’ll be so inspired and motivated all week long during times I CAN’T work on my creative and entrepreneurial pursuits, such as when I have to leave to go to work at my day job, when I’m eating dinner with the boyfriend, when I have to go to bed, or 3 o’clock in the morning when I SHOULD be sleeping but can’t because I can’t shut my damn brain off.
But, yet, when I’m off from work, don’t have to go anywhere or even have to put on pants, and finally have the house all to myself- I can’t write. I can’t concentrate. Nothing stirs me up at all. Or everything distracts me.
The ideas I wrote down in my phone before work so I wouldn’t forget them when I finally had time to sit down and write them- no longer inspire me. The songs for my book’s soundtrack album I was so excited to finish writing and record for the world to hear- no longer are fun to play around with. The three books I’m almost finished with and ready to officially publish and sell on Amazon- no longer speak to me.
I’m stuck. In a mental rut. I can’t think of anything…or I think of EVERYTHING. All. At. Once.
Having ADHD sucks.
It ruins my relationships, my job, my plans, my life.
I’m never in the moment. I’m always a million places at once and nowhere at all. Half listening to everyone. Half caring about anything. Or hyper-focused on a project I desperately care about at the time and resentful of everyone and everything that gets in the way of it.
I’m a real joy. Don’t you want to be my friend?
By some miracle, I somehow shut my brain off long enough to focus and write this blog post. It was NOT by any means what I wanted to write about this week. But the ADHD is acting up so bad today, I didn’t know what else to do, and am secretly hoping I can get a least one good thing out of it or use it to stir me up again and kick me out of my massive brain fog.
I’m wondering if I should set a timer on my phone? Then just pick a task on my list I made earlier in the week when I was inspired, and just force myself to work on it whether I feel like it or not. Like editing my books, or practicing Adobe Indesign to get the magazine setup? It worked for getting me to clean today. I put on some music (the soundtrack for the movie musical Anna and the Apocalypse is my new obsession) and set the timer on my phone, and told myself I could only clean dishes until the timer went off and then had to move onto something else. I ended up cleaning the entire place. Not spotless, but I did vacuum at least ;-)
There’s a theory about that. I can’t remember what it’s called at the moment and Google isn’t being very helpful today, but it’s about being more productive through time management. Breaking tasks up into chunks, then taking small breaks in between. I’ve always been great at time management at my various jobs over the years, but at home, by myself- forget it.
I’ve gotten into vaping CBD oil, which seems to help my ADHD issues (You can check out the blog post I wrote about it for Hempspired.net HERE). I ran out of the brand that helped me the best though and am kind of kicking myself for not ordering more now. But I don’t want to be dependent on that stuff either- it can be expensive! Although, I guess, if it really does help me focus and get the maximum work done then it’s worth the expense.
But for now, I think I need to practice this whole time-management, setting a stop-watch for limited chunks of time thing. If it can help me focus long enough to clean the house and do the dishes (something I hate) then maybe it will actually work to help me focus on writing and finishing all the tasks I need to do to build my Femmespire Media business (the things I care about the most).
And if not, there’s always CBD oil and listening to movie soundtracks.
** P.S.** My mission in life is to #encourage people. And this post, no matter how gratuitous it may seem, is to do the same. If you struggle with ADHD, I want to encourage you that you are NOT alone. I am always amazed by how many posts show up when I search for hashtags on Instagram and Twitter that are related to ADHD, focus, and the related. It may suck, and steal some time away from your goals and productivity but I want to remind you that if you struggle as well, you are still FULLY capable of accomplishing your goals and dreams. It might take some extra energy, planning and determination than of those who don't struggle with the same issues, but you can get there. You are not alone. You are NOT doomed for a second rate life of mediocrity. You got this. I believe in you! I hope you will support me on my journey as well. Thank you. Happy reading!