They say we believe the words we say to and about ourselves more than anyone else. And that the hurtful words said to us in our childhood can become our own negative inner dialogue. But just because we THINK something, or even someone else thinks something about us doesn’t make it true. But the belief in the criticism can still do so much damage to our feelings of self-worth if we’re not careful.
          Children often believe what they are told, especially if it’s from a trusted adult like a parent or teacher. So, if you were told as a child that you were stupid, ugly, worthless, unlovable- or just made to feel that way by their unintended actions- it can have long lasting effects on us well into adulthood.
      What negative words have you listened to and believed about yourself? What do you ruminate on and replay over and over in your head? Is it positive, life-affirming, and helping you live your best life possible? Or does it tear you down, hurt your heart, and make you increasingly insecure, fearful, or vulnerable? Have you ever even thought about the words you speak to and about yourself?
           Well, I have been considering it a lot lately and I’ve realized how it has impacted nearly every day and every action of my life. I am nowhere near where I want to be in my life and I can see very clearly how my damaged thought life has been the culprit holding me back. But no more! Or at least it’s time to finally start taking my own advice. I don’t know about you, but I have too much I want to do with my life, so it’s time to tell the negative party in my head to shut the f*** up!
     If you struggle with low self-esteem, shame, or feelings of worthlessness  then it’s time to flip the script. Reprogram your mental computer. Speak positive, encouraging, life-affirming messages to yourself to counteract all the hurtful and discouraging words that have been spoken over you in your past. Make a list and tape it to your bathroom mirror, or keep it in your purse, and read it and re-read it over and over until you believe it. Declare love and acceptance over yourself. You are valuable and worthy the way you are right now, brokenness and all. But you don’t have to remain broken and haunted by deep rooted pain any longer.
       Your healing won’t happen overnight. You had probably spent years, maybe even decades rehashing past hurts and opening old wounds, so it’s safe to accept that it will take some time to break the old habits and rewire your thought patterns. But you can do it.
         Every moment that you feel tempted to beat yourself up or criticize yourself but speak positivity into yourself instead is a step closer to healing. Forgive yourself for believing lies. You are only human after all. But don’t let someone else’s words control you any longer.
        The old adage “hurting people, hurt people” is true. Most likely, the people who hurt you in your life did it because they were struggling with their own pain and rejection issues. They’ve believed negative, discouraging things about themselves (probably told to them by someone else) and were just perpetuating the cycle. Intentionally or unintentionally, it doesn’t matter. The point is it happened and it’s time to change it.
        The Bible refers to this as generational curses. Which I may elaborate on at a later date. Either way, it’s time to break the cycle. Confess to God of your deep rooted, secret wounds and allow him to heal you. To renew your mind and transform your life and finally live the life you were created for. But don’t be afraid to put in the work. Make those lists, speak those life-affirming words. Fight back the negative, critical voice in your head with love, forgiveness, self-acceptance, and encouragement. You are lovable, you are worthy, you are capable of great things and you WILL be healed.
          I’ve written a poem and a song adapted from it titled “Affirmations Song (I Am Lovable)”.  Please listen to them below. And share with your friends and loved ones who could use the reminders. Thank you for reading.

          ​So, I’ve been wanting to get into directing- particularly for my own plays and musicals. I mean, what better way to get my work out there and help build my “brand” than by me doing it all myself (or at least initially by myself). But directing and producing shows is overwhelming, and to be honest, I have absolutely zero experience in it.
          So being the research loving person I am, I started looking into classes and workshops to learn how to direct for film and theatre professionally. Not that I can realistically afford to take any classes right now- but a girl can dream, can’t she?
         Anyway, one thing I kept noticing as a common assignment among all of the classes I was interested in was that they required the students to practice by directing a one or two page script. Mostly for time constraints I’m sure. But then it hit me.
           Why don’t I write a super short script, one to two pages in length myself? Something easy to produce. Something that can be completed fairly quickly (because I’m an impatient and overeager girl).
        I’ve gotten into the habit of writing short form plays of 10-20 minutes long in the last several years and am a huge fan of the 10 minute/one act genre. But let’s be real, making my 20 minute show “Retail!: the Musical”, complete with 5 actors and 4 musical numbers that will ALSO have to be produced- doesn’t seem like a great idea for my first production. I mean I absolutely LOVE the script and the songs and CANNOT WAIT for you to get to see it, but I know deep down it will be a bit too much work for me to tackle for my first directorial experiment. Unless you count the audio sample I did for my developing Sci-Fi musical “The Other Me” but I don’t. Not really.
         So, anyway, here I am. Writing some super short scripts of 1-2 pages in length that I plan to be filming and sharing with you soon. I might have to act them out myself for a while, but it will definitely be good practice either way. Baby steps in the right direction is what I always say. I’m setting goals, making plans, and getting closer to the realization of my dreams one day at a time. And I hope you will too. Life is too short, so make it the one you want. One step at a time is all it takes. 

         So, after spending the last few years trying to build the “socially conscious multimedia company” Femmespire Media, I’ve decided to change my focus. Or at least, I’ve decided to STREAMLINE my focus. I’m considering closing shop. I have already cancelled my business website. At least for now. I’ve got too many things I want to do with my life and already have enough on my plate. It’s time to FOCUS on what I REALLY WANT and not what I think other people will think is more credible. Which I admit, I have been guilty of. Big time.
           But lets be real, everything that’s been done for Femmespire Media is ME anyway. All the encouraging little stories, positive books, plays, music and inspirational quote sharing I had been working on in its name has been my vision and MY heart all along. So why should I waste all this time being so split brained trying to build a separate brand? When in reality- I AM THE BRAND.
        Tiffany Grand. Tiffany Grand Media. That is a potentially powerful brand in and of itself. Don’t believe me? Just ask Oprah. I don’t need to be hiding behind the mask of a separate enterprise. No matter how much telling people I’m building a business and an online store has made me feel like less of a crazy person with crazy artsy dreams.
            I am Tiffany Grand: Songwriter, Playwright, Author, soon-to-be Director and Producer of media with positive messages. A woman passionate about writing musical theatre, the eventual movie musical, and books with soundtrack albums. Discussing issues of mental health, self-esteem, facing fear, letting go of regret, and living your truth. I’ve talked a big game behind the mask of Femmespire Media long enough, but it’s time to finally live it for myself.
            The goals and dreams I have may not necessarily be new, as they are things I’ve been dreaming of and working on in some capacity my entire life. But the decision to focus on building my personal brand and vision SOLELY is new and loooong over-due. So C.S. Lewis’s quote will always ring true.
            “You’re never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
       And this crazy writer life is mine. Full of its ups and downs and struggles with focus. But I’m gonna do it. It’s my life and I only get one. I can’t waste it trying to be someone else or working on projects that don’t feel authentic to me. When I’m on my death bed, I want to look back and be proud of the legacy I left behind. I want to know I said everything I had in my heart to say to people through my gifts and passion for writing. I want to encourage people, validate people, and stir them up to live their best lives possible through the arts. I want to be vulnerable, honest, and real. Something I admit, I have never really been.
            So here I am. Setting new goals and just trying to be me. I have so many great projects in the works. I can’t wait for you to see them. Thank you for joining me on this journey. And if you aren’t already, please follow me on social media @TiffanyGMedia. Thanks again.