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A lesson in Being Still

2/23/2019

#SickDay or more like #SickWeek for me. This week I’ve been suffering from a sinus infection which culminated in me losing my voice completely on Thursday. I wanted to write this post a couple of days ago, but I was so weak and barely functioning, I had to put it off until now.
Thank God, I have a great boyfriend who helped take care of me.
But while I was lying in bed all that time, struggling to breath out of my nose, not hearing out of my clogged ears, unable to speak to anyone, and moaning to myself because I couldn’t get any work done on my days off – I had a thought come to me.
“Just be.”
Be still. Be in the moment. Just be…here.
Every other day of the week my mind is constantly racing with a bazillion thoughts and ideas. At my day job, I’m always making lists of the things I want to work on when I get home. At home, I’m constantly Googling things on my phone, scrolling through social media posts of adorable animal videos, or trying to work on more productive things related to my writing or building my business @FemmespireMedia. I’m always obsessing about what I want or fear in the future, or beating myself up for regrets from the past. I’m always thinking ahead but running behind.
In other words:
I am NEVER living in the moment.
But this week while I’ve been sick I’ve HAD TO be still and in the moment. Because I couldn’t do or think about anything else.
The one perk of this sickness, is I got to have some time to enjoy just snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch without me obsessing about what I needed to work on, and play with my beautiful kitty, Kahlo, who seemed to follow me around and lay next to me on the bed more than usual.
And I loved it.
So, although being sick for a week sucks, there was a benefit. Learning to live in the moment; not worrying, regretting, or obsessing about anything, and just being still. Something I have never as an adult been able to do. And something I hope to be able to continue experiencing long after I recover from this sinus infection.
But I won't lie, I look forward to getting back to working on my book and musical and all the other little projects and ideas I have. So, I guess I'm a work in progress. But that's OK too.
As soon as I upload this post, I'll be closing my computer so I can play with my cat (let her chase the laser pointer for a while) and then take a little nap and finish recuperating. It's not an exciting week to say the least, but at least I get the chance to be still inside a little while and "Just be". I hope you will too.

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The Other Me: a new Sci-Fi/Fantasy Novel That reminds you to live Authentically

2/8/2019

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“Do you ever feel like you’re living someone else’s life? Like, you look in the mirror and see your face- but something feels just a little bit off. You look around and see your family, your friends, your job, maybe even the person sleeping in the bed next to you...and think to yourself… How did I end up here?”
This is the first couple of lines from my developing Sci-Fi/Fantasy Novel and Musical Play called “The Other Me”. A story that contemplates the existence of parallel universes and alternate realities. The concept that there is another version of you living out there, that is experiencing and doing all the decisions you could have, but didn’t make.
I am completely fascinated by this idea. Which is where the book comes from. It’s admittedly, my attempt at trying to work through some unresolved issues and live through the “other me”. But hey- that’s the creative life for you.
I’ve struggled with this for a long time now. But lucky for me, I’ve been inspired to write a LOT of different media about it that will hopefully encourage other people someday. But when I’m at that low point; I fight with intense depression, anxiety, frustration, and anger at myself and my perceived “poor life” choices. Like not studying French in High School, living in Paris for a year, making that film who’s script I spent literally YEARS writing, releasing that EP, or wasting so many years in dead end jobs.
Hopefully you followed your heart in life better than I did.
But I know I’m not the only one who struggles with regrets, disappointments, and curiosities of the “What If’s?”
If you often feel like you’re living someone else’s life or no longer recognize yourself, you are definitely going through what I’ve been struggling with. You’re not crazy (even though you probably feel crazy many days) and you are most likely NOT trapped in some parallel reality.
But I will guess that you compromised yourself and what you really want in life somewhere down the line. You listened to other people and their opinions of your life. And although they were most likely well-meaning in their advice and perspectives, their views didn’t coincide with what YOU really wanted for yourself or with who you hoped to become.
Now you’re 25, 30, 40, 50, 60 years old and you realize you’re living a life you don’t want. Maybe you never wanted. And that solemn reality is negatively affecting every area of your life.
Why?
Because it’s not the life you envisioned. It’s not the life you hoped for. Maybe something’s are good, maybe even great. But some thing’s still don’t feel right. This is because you’re not living to your fullest potential. You’re not being authentic. You’ve compromised on your true self, what you really want, and probably changed yourself along the journey to fit someone else’s vision for your life.
Now nothing feels right.
It’s like trying to stick a puzzle piece in the wrong hole. You might be able to “make it fit” but the edges will be all worn and frayed and the image on the other side will be all distorted. Leaving you with a dissatisfying and only partially finished puzzle.
No Bueno.
So, what can we do? Is it too late to turn things around and put the puzzle of your life back together?
Absolutely not!
You can’t go back in time to redo your life and make the other choices (or experience the alternate lives like the character in my book can) but you CAN make the decision starting TODAY to live authentically as possible, follow your heart, and finally live and create the life you want STARTING NOW.
I’ll be covering these concepts more in depth in my other upcoming books titled “Better Late Than Never” and “Create the Life You Want.” So, I hope you will stay tuned for that.
And if you are some of the rare souls out that that DON’T struggle with the issues of regret, disappointment, frustration, self-loathing, shame, loss of self, etc…. then great for you! Seriously. I mean it. Please write me and share your secrets. I bet your alternate stories and perspectives could empower other people. Myself included.
But if you are someone who has had many days feeling like you're living someone else's life, spends way too many nights laying in bed wondering about your life, or asking how you even got where you are. Then I want to encourage you to start living an authentic life starting now. You might have gotten off track, changed yourself for other people, and spent your life building a puzzle with the wrong pieces. But it's never too late to change course, get back on the right path and start building a reality you don't need an escape from.

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Author

Tiffany Grand is an author, songwriter, journalist and mental health advocate. She's the Managing Editor and owner of Femmespire Magazine and has a heart for encouraging people through the arts, media, and community service. Follow her on Twitter & Instagram @TiffanyGMedia