So I had a bit of an emotional blow today. My boyfriend Adam, well-meaning and supportive as he is, decided it would be a good idea to share some of my new music on a local community group on Facebook today. He’s proud of me and the work that I’ve been doing creatively and felt like this would help get me more public exposure to propel my brand forward.
Sounds logical enough, right?
I guess we were wrong.
When he first told me what he did, my skin crawled. I was so embarrassed! It was just a short video of me singing an excerpt from my upcoming musical play “Retail! the Musical”. A show I absolutely can NOT WAIT to put on and share with the world but that will undoubtedly have to be put on hold while we as a country face this COVID19 pandemic (ya know, for social distancing and all).
In the first 15 minutes of it being posted to the group page, my view count increased dramatically. I finally started to get excited. After all, I’m familiar with over half of the people in this community through my years of customer service (which is the inspiration behind this particular musical play he was promoting). I started to believe my fellow New Paltz NY people would be supportive of their local girl doing something positive. The song he shared is titled “Enlarge Your Vision”. Although I admit it’s a completely irrelevant message during a national health pandemic. But it’s a positive, encouraging message for anyone still holding on to a dream, and I think THAT is always relevant and well needed during any crisis.
Well, apparently, the people of our local community group felt differently. Within a half hour or so the video clip had already been deleted. Which, I admit, was a hurtful blow to my ego. I mean we weren’t trying to sell anything or promote anything negative. Something that a lot of those people in the group can’t say for themselves (I’ve witnessed so much hate and discourse within that community since becoming a member. The thought to remove myself from the group voluntarily is a weekly occurrence).
So, my only other thought behind their reasoning of removing my video was because they didn’t like it. That maybe I secretly suck at writing and singing and should give it up entirely. Which, as I write those words now I know that is absolute absurdity! After all, I’m just a writer and media producer, trying to create positive multimedia through my personal brand www.TiffanyGrandMedia.com and my business brand www.FemmespireMedia.com. Who wouldn’t like that?
But the thought did cross my mind. And why? Because I struggle with my own inner demons and emotional wounds. Hearing echoes of negative, critical voices in my head from the past. It’s a constant struggle, and one I fight with daily, almost hourly. I'm even working on a book titled "The Self-Affirmations Workbook: Reprogramming Your Mental Computer. Because the Words We Speak to and About Ourselves is What's Most Important". I'm passionate about the issues of mental health and encouraging others to live their truths.
But this is also my motivation behind everything else I am trying to do with my life. All of the plays I’m writing, the songs I’m creating, the video game against abuse that I’m developing, and all the encouraging little posts I try to release for social media. It’s all to encourage, inspire, and empower other people who struggle, or have struggled with the feelings of insecurity, worthlessness, discouragement, regret, shame, self-loathing, and rage against those who misunderstand them or don’t see their worth entirely.
I’ve been there. And for more days that I like to admit…I’m still there. Fighting along with you. But I just want to encourage you and anyone else who has ever felt rejected and invisible that you are lovable and valuable just the way you are right now- even if other’s don’t see you. (listen to this song demo when you need a reminder of your worth) Don’t let anyone else dim your shine. You just keep pushing through and doing you. That’s what I’m going to keep doing.
Today, my boyfriend Adam is building me a vocal recording booth. So I can finally produce more professional quality recordings of my songs. Songs that I might release as a solo recording artist, but mostly for soundtrack albums for my musical plays and short films coming up when this whole social distancing/self-quarantine/Covid19 craziness is over. I’m determined to encourage and share positivity with other people, even if SOME PEOPLE aren’t open to sharing mine.
This is a crazy, scary time we live in right now. But I am confident it will get better. And like my song that they deleted says “You’ve got to enlarge your vision. Take a leap of faith. Expect more from your life and be bold in the choices that you make. Some might call you crazy, unrealistic and naive. You’ve got to enlarge your vision, and never give up on your dreams.”