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You're Not Alone and You're Going to Be OK: Alcohol Awareness Month and Me - Part1

4/24/2023

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            It’s ironic for me to write this post, as I sit here in my recliner sipping my third mixed drink of the night consisting of Lemonade and Vodka. And not even real lemonade, just lemonade flavored Crystal Lite. But sadly, this is my usual drink to unwind or pump up with after work from my stressful and dissatisfying job in a retail pharmacy. The job I do to pay my bills while I try to build my writing career and other entrepreneurial pursuits.
            Because let’s be real, life is too short to settle for anything that doesn’t set your soul on fire and give you a reason to get up in the morning. No matter how crazy it may seem to other people.
          But I won’t lie, I am notorious for drinking alcohol on my days off…after a stressful event… BEFORE a social engagement… and just because it’s Saturday. Or whatever day ends my official work week in the pharmacy.
            Yes, I MIGHT have a problem with alcohol. At least some days. But thankfully, I am cutting back and as a writer am finding ways to turn it around and write about it in positive, constructive ways. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.
        But it’s nearing the end of April- “Alcohol Awareness Month”- and I didn’t feel right with letting this month go by without opening up about my own journey and struggle and ultimately share encouraging stories from other people who have ALSO struggled with alcohol and substance abuse issues in some way or another.
            Because, for people like me who battle mental health issues (specifically anxiety and depression) alcohol is a common coping mechanism. For better or worse, we have learned to “self-medicate” our stress and emotional turmoil with the “liquid medicine”.
              And I only sometimes feel bad about it.
            That is until the inner turmoil of life rolls down the proverbial mountain and knocks the wind out of me- making me feel overwhelmed, confused, lost and losing of hope. Which unfortunately- for a tortured, creative soul, who struggles with a lot of regret for her life choices, seemingly “missed” opportunities and lingering wounds from the past- happens more regularly than I would normally want to admit.  
            But deep down, I know that those feelings are not true and I want to encourage other people who struggle that they are NOT ALONE and they ARE GOING TO BE OK. No matter what the alcohol induced “demons” in your head try to tell you.
            You see, I come from a background of emotional and verbal abuse. I was told and made to feel numerous times throughout my life that I was “worthless”, “ugly”, “unlovable”, “incapable”, “not good enough” and doomed to live a second-rate life. Which I call bullshit to anyone who would EVER say that to another human being. But it happened to me, by mostly my parents and other people who I thought were supposed to love and support me the most.
            Anyway, I battled a LOT of emotional demons growing up and I made even MORE mistakes over the years because of it. Some things I will elaborate on in my book “Better Late Than Never.”
             But even today, I am still haunted by the hurtful words and discouragement from my youth- things that have held me back for most of my life. Thankfully, I am a self-aware writer and can find positive lessons and messages from the past and my pain. But not everyone else is so lucky. And not even I am so lucky to fight off the negative, discouraging, hurtful voices and thoughts in my head that follow me around and weigh me down like boulders around my neck- that sometimes make me feel like I’m literally drowning.
               And that’s when alcohol becomes my friend.
               Or my “pseudo-friend.”
        Yes, over the years of my excessive alcohol consumption, I have made MANY mistakes, got in many shouting matches, ended up in uncountable crying fits, and found myself curled up in the fetal position more times than I want to admit. I have been full of despair and wishing I could die more times than I could count. Particularly as the dopamine high from the alcohol wore off and I came CRASHING down in an uncontrollable feeling of depression and hopelessness.
              Alcohol can be a cruel and misleading mistress.
            But I didn’t give up no matter how low it made me feel. And neither should you.
            If you have struggled with alcohol or substance abuse issues of ANY kind in your life- or felt hopeless and like giving up in ANY WAY- I want you to know that you are NOT ALONE. YOU ARE LOVED, YOU HAVE PURPOSE, and you are MORE than what anyone from your past or the demons in your head have tried to make you believe.
            Yea, drinking alcohol can be fun sometimes, and it MIGHT be OK to have in moderation. However, it is NOT a cure for the pain or bad memories you might harbor inside. But if you still struggle regularly, or even occasionally, just know you are not alone. You are worth more than you know and there is a better life ahead of you- regardless of your mistakes or what any negative, thoughtless person has said to or about you in the past.
            Alcohol and other substances are not the answer. But if you still drink or are tempted to drink to feel better in anyway, you are NOT A FAILURE. You can turn your life around and modify your coping mechanisms starting TODAY. Baby steps is all it takes. ONE less drink a day, one less negative thought, allowing one less hurtful memory control you IS PROGRESS. Being honest with yourself with why you started drinking in the first place and acknowledging the wrong beliefs behind it is part of the process.
            For me it was believing the lies that I wasn’t good enough, that I needed a little “liquid courage” to do certain things… Or sometimes my feeble attempt at trying to shut up the voice in my head that reminded me I was failure and not living up to my potential... or just my attempt to relax after a stressful day at work… or calm my nerves before an intimidating upcoming social engagement… or boredom…or…well, you get the idea.
            There are so many reasons that can compel you to drink excessively and even MORE potential issues in your life that can convince you that you need to “self-medicate” with alcohol or some other substance.  
            Oh, yea, I get it, I’ve been there.
            What has it been for you? Are you happy with the path your life has gone? Is your alcohol or substance use really helping? If it’s not, as I know it hasn’t me, maybe it’s time we start thinking of ways to give it up or at least cut back?  It probably won’t be easy, but you and I can get there. I care about you, sober or not. We are in this together.
            Please remember: YOU’RE NOT ALONE and YOU’RE GOING TO BE OKAY!
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You're Not Alone and You're Going to Be OK: Encouragement for those that battle depression and other mental health issues - Part 1

3/13/2023

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           Depression and suicidal thoughts are no joke. It can make you believe that life is hopeless and pointless. It’ll make you question your worth, and convince you that no one would miss you if you were gone. Depression can be like a cloud that doesn’t lift and makes you numb to pretty much everything and everyone in your life. There will be days when you are curled up in the fetal position in bed not having the energy or the motivation to even get up to brush your teeth. Or it can make you feel like you’re in a foggy daze, where even the thought of making yourself breakfast, doing your hair, or going to work is too exhausting to even think about. There are days when you literally feel like you want to die, lay in bed and cry, or just sleep. All. Day. Long.
                 I know. Because I’ve been there too.
       Everyone’s story is different. And the way depression and other mental health issues affect you may be different as well. Whether it’s from a chemical imbalance in your brain, the result of emotional abuse convincing you of these horrible thoughts, or just Seasonal Affective Disorder caused by a lack of vitamin D from inadequate sunlight exposure. The truth is still and will always be the same- especially on those days that you physically can’t feel it, see it, or believe it.
            You are worth SO MUCH more than you know; and you have SO MUCH more to offer than you think. This is not all there is for you. The depressed, hopeless, negative way you’ve felt today, yesterday, or any other day in the past or future is not where you are meant to be in life. They do not define you and your existence. It is not your lot in life to walk in this dark fog forever.
            There IS HOPE and there IS HELP and you are worth every second of it. Because you are LOVED and you MATTER- mental health issues and all. Please don’t give up on yourself!
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BE BOLD: A Lesson in Taking Chances, Living Authentically and Finally Becoming the Person You Were Always Meant to Be. #BetterLateThanNever

2/7/2023

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            I took this picture 5 years ago when I was still working part-time at a hardware store in my home town of New Paltz NY. Someone tacked this image up on the wall of our front registers as a positive reminder. However, my insecure, “damaged” side secretly believed the person did it for me- as I have notoriously battled anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem issues throughout my entire life. Which a lot of people don’t seem to understand unless they’ve struggled with it as well.
           I mean, I barely understand it half the time myself. However, I’ve been known to have panic attacks or at least shaky hands & voice during stressful confrontations with customers, or honestly, many social situations in general. So, as much as I felt encouraged and empowered by the words displayed, I also felt terribly convicted and ashamed.
              Because I knew- deep down- I wasn’t living as the “bold” and “empowered” woman I always wrote about and encouraged others to be through my blogs, songs and stage plays.
               
                  Having anxiety is a bitch.
          
             Anyway, now five years later, I am FINALLY trying to live by and accomplish what I preach- mental health issues be damned! Which is easier said than done, I know. But I’m not giving up and I’m not giving in until I accomplish the goals and dreams in my heart. Things just might take me a bit longer to complete than my non-neurodivergent comrades. But it WILL HAPPEN or I will die trying.
             I’m already SO CLOSE. The multiple book ideas, stage plays and songs I’ve had floating around in my head and pieced on my computer are now like 90% done. OK, well, some books like “Better Late Than Never” and “Dancing in the End Zone” are basically ready to go, however, my perfectionist and insecure side has just been holding them up longer in my mind than it should. However, since nothing in life can or will be completely 100% perfect, it’s time to start accepting that and putting myself and my work out there boldly and unapologetically once and for all.
            
                 One deep, calming breath at a time.
         
                I wish I had done this sooner- instead of living behind fears and excuses. I would certainly be a heck of lot further along in my life and career if I had. But just like my book, it’s better late than never, right?
And like that little image tacked up on the wall of the cash register said: It’s time to “BE BOLD” and dive head first into my goals. It’s time to finally practice what I preach and start believing in MYSELF wholeheartedly like I believe in other people. And that goes for you too. Whatever that means for you.
          Maybe it’s a creative passion or finishing that college degree? Or being vulnerable enough to put yourself out there to find the love of your life and start that family you always wanted? Maybe you want to get involved in your community and make more friends, or perform at that open mic you were previously afraid to sign up for? Maybe it’s finally going to the gym and losing that weight that always made you feel so insecure and less than (even though you are lovable the way you are- curves and all)? Or literally ANY number of other struggles, issues or lost dreams. All are valid and should be pursued. At least that’s what I believe.
              No matter where you are in life, I’m sure there has been something that you wish you could have done differently or was different about your life. And that’s OK, we are ALL a work in progress. And I truly believe we all have so much more to offer the world now and in the future- regardless of our pasts, struggles or mental health conditions.
             Because life is short and we only get one. We have to make it the one WE want and stop being afraid of what anyone else thinks, what some hurtful thing someone in our past has said, and most importantly to stop SETTLING.
             I know I have settled for a mediocre life and shitty retail jobs more than I want to admit because I think deep down I feared the terrible things I was told growing up were true and I really am not good enough or lovable enough to be, have and do what I have always so desperately dreamed of.
              But deep down I know that is a lie and I have just as good of a chance as anyone else in this world. I am good enough, lovable enough, and still completely capable to do the things I always truly dreamed of doing my whole life. And so are YOU.
               I am determined to start turning my life around. I have sooo many things I want to accomplish and build up in my life. Even though I don’t know how I will do that sometimes.
              I have been so incredibly sad about my lot in life. I have so many regrets and disappointments in life that I need to overcome. But I can, and I WILL. I just have to make a decision to finally BE BOLD, take more chances and put myself out there. Writing vulnerable posts like this are just the beginning of that. And I will continue to do that until my life is finally everything I hoped for or I leave this earth.
             Sometimes that’s all we truly need to aim for in life. It’s better late than never to finally make the decision to be bold in your life. Believe in yourself, take some chances and pursue your truth whole-heartedly- whatever that is. If you do, you can be “Dancing in the End Zone” of your life. That’s what I pray for myself and I pray for you too. So, step out in boldness and believe. You are enough the way you are, you are more capable than you know, and you can live a better life than you ever imagined if you just don’t give up.

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How Interviewing for a New Day Job Gave Me the Confidence to Finally Make My Side Hustle My Main Hustle.

1/29/2023

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            Maybe it’s just the Alprazolam I took to help me with the intense nerves I have every time I go on a job interview? Or the excessive over-the-counter herbal supplements I decided to stack just “in case” the pharmaceutical grade stuff wasn’t enough to calm my notoriously bad (and often embarrassing) social anxiety- complete with shaking hands, quivering voice, dry mouth and mind-blank outs I seem to get every time I have to talk about myself to nearly anyone- even people I know well.
            But at this moment, an hour after I got home from another job interview (the second one in a week) I feel way more confident about myself and ready to take my writing career and my “entrepreneurial baby” Femmespire Media to the next level.
              It’s time to practice what I preach.
             I talk a big game, always trying to encourage and empower other people to believe in themselves, not settle, and pursue their dreams whole-heartedly. But if I’m honest, I’ve never really done that for myself. Or if I have, it was probably when I had just graduated college and the world seemed all shiny and new and I felt like I could (at least eventually) do anything I took a chance on or set my mind to.
             But then shit happens, and you get left having to face your own weaknesses and inner demons that you thought you ran away from but apparently never completely did. And the old familiar feelings of insecurity, anxiety, depression, and inadequacy creeps its ugly head yet again and convinces you (well at least for me) that maybe you really aren’t good enough after all and are doomed to settle for that second-rate life you never wanted.
          Those stupid internal demons in my head have kept me up, ruined my life and stole my joy for far too long. But not anymore! Or at least after today, I feel way more confident and determined in myself to pursue my dreams and build this life I want whole-heartedly. You know, less talk and more action.
             And it’s about damn time!
            So, let me preface this by saying for the last three years I have been working a very stressful, very dissatisfying “day job” at a retail pharmacy for a large corporation. I’ve cried on the job numerous times and had more sleepless nights than I can count because I literally will be kept up ALL NIGHT long, dreading going back to work, beating myself for my “poor life choices” that have kept me trapped in this life I don’t want, doing a job I don’t care about nearly at all.
           I mean, I genuinely care about people and enjoy helping customers/patients, but this job is literally just a “day job” I do to pay my bills while I try to get myself together enough to make my living writing books and music or running my socially conscious media company and online store at Femmespire Media. And with my apparent deep-rooted, detrimental thinking about my “worth” and “value” in the world and the workforce specifically- it has been a long, bumpy journey to say the least.
            But thankfully, today, I got to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
              Six years ago, when I first moved back to Upstate New York after my father passed away, I began working for a small, mom-and-pop printing company in New Paltz NY. I mean it had its own set of problems, but I loved it. I loved the work, the clientele who consisted of mostly artists, local entrepreneurs, and college students. All people focused on building their careers and moving their creative/academic/entrepreneurial goals forward. I.E. MY PEOPLE. But that particular company had its own issues. So, when I saw a job listing on Indeed for a similar position, I of course, had to jump at it.
           So, I took my anxiety medication, stacked my OTC herbal supplements for anxiety/mood (I personally love L-Tyrosine, GABA, and Lion’s Mane…all things I will or maybe have written about previously) and went to my interview for a potential job at a screen printing/embroidery company in my home town of New Paltz NY.
            I almost didn’t respond right away.  But then I decided to because the owner Mary ended up messaging me a couple of different times to get me to set up an interview. Which kind of made me feel like hot stuff.
             I mean this was one job I felt totally qualified for. A rarity for me, as my self-esteem and anxiety level has been so low (especially lately) and I’m still sadly haunted by negative, discouraging words from my past that have held me back for too long.
            But after talking to her for at least a half-hour I had come to the conclusion- I am awesome, y’all! I mean I am writing this post before I even have gotten a response yes or no for the job, but I don’t care. I have FINALLY realized one extremely important message in life:
            I am a “beast”. I have talent, passion, and skills that most people don’t. After a year of working in a “sister printing company” I have gained many very valuable skills: Printing, marketing, booklet bindery, customer quotes, etc. After over a decade of “customer service” working for a retail pharmacy/store, a local hardware store, and my own side-hustle- I have MANY skills to offer the world. Contrary to what many people in my life have acknowledged over the years.
                 Anyway, that’s when it happened.
              I was walking down route 32, which is only a half mile from my apartment. I was wearing my favorite black beaded choker necklace and my burgundy sweater that always makes me feel classy. I had my expensive Clarks leather boots on instead of my usual knit no-name sneakers I bought online.
                 But I finally felt like the Queen I always preach to other women to believe they are- whether that be in person or through my website/social media pages. Yes, I AM a beast too. I have many skills, strengths, passions, and things in general to offer many businesses. I have many positive things to offer my own “ideal” media company, Femmespire Media, my author brand “Tiffany Grand Media” and other businesses locally and online in my life around me.
          Most importantly, I realized one majorly important thing: I AM AWESOME! And after speaking to many other business owners, I am overqualified for many jobs. Sure, I may 'lack' many skills in life: “extroversion”, building EXCEL Pivot tables, Public Speaking, etc. As of 2023, I have about 15 years of customer service experience. And even though that doesn’t encompass every needed skill, it does indeed fill in a lot.
            I might have spent 15 years beating myself up, comparing myself to other people and over analyzing my skills, strengths and weaknesses. But I am FINALLY learning about my strengths and what I have to offer certain industries and the world around me. I def have some baggage from the past (which I will elaborate on in later posts/books) that have held me back and prevented me from living my best life possible for too long- but it’s time to change. Sometimes it might take you to step out of your comfort zone, face your deep-rooted insecurities and fears, and just put yourself out there. But once you do it might change everything.
            I had been literally hating myself for way too long. Hating the life I was living, hating the choices I made before, and hating the person I felt like I was becoming- or doomed to become. But not after today!
            I now see that I have soo many awesome skills, talents, passions, and gifts to offer the world. And, so do you!
             It might not take you to go through a bunch of mediocre job interviews to rediscover your unique strengths and experience, or for you to battle massive mental health issues in anxiety and depression like I have. You might not have to take pharmaceutical grade anxiety medications or stack herbal supplements to finally have peace and confidence in yourself (but that’s completely OK if you do).
            My “day job” from late 2019-early 2023 has been spent working in a retail pharmacy, where literally half of my clientele was on anti-anxiety, anti-depressants, or ADHD medication (that is until the national shortage hit). So, if you battle mental health issues or struggle with feeling like you’re not “good enough”, not “qualified” or “looked over” for whatever reason- I want you to know you are NOT ALONE. And most importantly, you are NOT doomed for a second-rate life.
          You do NOT have to settle for anything that doesn’t feel truly “authentic” to you and your life goals- whatever they are or however “crazy” they seem. And it’s BETTER LATE THAN NEVER to realize/discover/believe in your worth and value in life. Because you ARE worth more than you know, have more to offer than you’ve been told in the past, and can do and can accomplish more than you ever imagined. Please don’t forget that!
 
Love & Lightbulbs,
 
Tiffany Grand
           
           
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Just Do It: 10 Empowering Quotes from TV Producer Shonda Rhimes that Will Help Kick You Out of Your Complacency and Push You Closer to the Life of Your Dreams.

1/2/2022

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          She’s the creator of Female led, hit, network TV shows “Scandal” and “Grey's Anatomy” and the producer for (one of my personal favorites) “How to Get Away with Murder”. She’s also a published author and the writer of several films.  In other words, she’s a successful woman working in the entertainment industry who knows her shit. Just one quick Google search and you can see she is just oozing with inspiration and wisdom...
           OK...this post was originally written for my company Femmespire Media like 3 years ago, but after rereading old posts on that website, I decided to share it here as well. I was looking for an inspirational quote to share on www.tiffanygrandmedia.com and my social media pages (@tiffanygmedia) and could not pick just one. So, here they are, in no particular order. Some of the best, empowering, most inspiring quotes (in my opinion) from the talented, hardworking, Shonda Rhimes.  

          F.Y.I. I don't care if this show is off the air now, these quotes are still like gold and encourage and empower me to this day. So I hope they will help you as well. Life is too short to not spend it doing what sets your soul on fire, so listen to mama Shonda and do what you need to do to focus and pursue your dreams. Especially if you are a writer like me. I know I will be...

1.) “I am not lucky. You know what I am? I am smart. I am talented. I take advantage of the opportunities that come my way and I work really, really hard. Don’t call me lucky. Call me a badass.”
 
2.) “You want to be a writer? A writer is someone who writes every day. So, start writing. You don’t have a job? Get one. Any job. Don’t sit at home waiting for the magical opportunity. Who are you? Prince William? No. Get a job. Go to work. Do something until you can do something else.”
 
3.) “Have some fire. Be unstoppable. Be a force of nature. Be better than anyone else. And don’t give a damn what anyone thinks.”
 
4.) “You can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them.”
 
5.) “Everyone’s got some greatness in them. You do. The girl over there does. The guy on the left has some. But in order to really mine it, you have to own it. You have to grab hold of it. You have to believe it.”
 
6.) “Ditch the dream and be a doer.”
 
7.) “Maybe you know exactly what it is you dream of being, or maybe you’re paralyzed because you have no idea what your passion is. The truth is, it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to know. You just have to keep moving forward. You just have to keep doing something, seizing the next opportunity, staying open to trying something new.”
 
8.) “A lot of people dream, and while they are busy dreaming, the really interesting, powerful, engaged people are busy doing.”
 
9.) “The only limit to your success is your own imagination.”
 
10.) “Dreams do not come true just because you dream them. It’s hard work that makes things happen. It’s hard work that creates change.”

 
          So, listen to Shonda. You have greatness inside of you. Believe it. If you have a dream in your heart, don’t just dream it. Work hard and go for it. Don’t be afraid to try something new. Don’t worry about what other people think. Don’t limit yourself. Create the life you want. Don’t wait for doors to open for you. Work hard and make it happen for yourself. You CAN live whatever life you long for in your heart. Be a doer, not just a dreamer. And most importantly, be like Shonda and believe in yourself. That no matter how your life may look and feel right now, you are indeed... a Badass.
 
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10 Inspiring Quotes from Betty White to Help You Get More Excited About the New Year, Getting Older, and Motivated to Create the Life You Want.

12/31/2021

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          Betty White: comedian, actress, author, animal rights activist, and cultural icon. God and the universe may have decided to take her from us today, Dec. 31, 2021, just a couple weeks before her highly anticipated 100th birthday. An icing on the cake of an already turbulent year. But her life, legacy and joy she brought the world will live on through all the work she did, the laughs she spread, and the wisdom she shared.
          She was an inspiration to everyone- America’s “Golden Girl”- and gave hope to people everywhere that it IS POSSIBLE to live a long, happy, healthy, and productive life far into our golden years. In a society that often tells people (particularly women) that they are done and washed up at 40 years old- Betty broke the mold. And she continued to do so nearly 60 years over.
          So of course, on New Years’ Eve (a time when I am particularly stressing about how to reposition myself and get my life to where I want it to be) I decided- what better way to encourage, empower and inspire people on how to live their best lives possible than by sharing some of the best, most positive quotes from Betty White?
          Because let’s be honest, 2021 was a crap shoot for most of us. And I’m sure we’re all hoping, trying and praying to muster up the strength, inspiration, vision and direction to make 2022 (and every year after) the best yet. Or at least keep improving on and pushing forward the best we can.
          But I personally want to help people THRIVE and not just SURVIVE in this life. Because we only get one. So, I also hope to encourage people that it’s never too late to create the life you want and be happy through my upcoming book release “Better Late Than Never”. 
           But until that book is out, who better to quote than Betty White: America’s Sweetheart and “everybody’s grandmother that you want to party with”.
           So, without further ado, here are some of the most empowering quotes from Betty White to encourage you that ‘age ain’t nothing but a number’ and your dreams and “resolutions” are still possible at ANY age. I hope it encourages you and helps push you to live your best life in 2022 like it does me. Because you can. You are capable, you are stronger than you think and it’s BETTER LATE THAN NEVER to create the life you want.
                             *********************
 
10 QUOTES from BETTY WHITE to Encourage You When Getting Older Scares You and Going into the New Year Makes You Cringe:
 
* “Don't try to be young. Just open your mind. Stay interested in stuff. There are so many things I won't live long enough to find out about, but I'm still curious about them. You know people who are already saying, 'I'm going to be 30 - oh, what am I going to do?' Well, use that decade! Use them all!”
 
* “It's your outlook on life that counts. If you take yourself lightly and don't take yourself too seriously, pretty soon you can find the humor in our everyday lives. And sometimes it can be a lifesaver.”
 
* “I think older women still have a full life.”

* “I think it's your mental attitude. So many of us start dreading age in high school and that's a waste of a lovely life. 'Oh... I'm 30, oh, I'm 40, oh, 50.' Make the most of it.”
 
* “Kindness and consideration of somebody besides yourself. I think that keeps you feeling young. I really do.”

​* “My mother always used to say, "The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana.”
 
* “Mind your own business, take care of your affairs, and don’t worry about other people so much.” 
 
* “Everybody needs a passion. That’s what keeps life interesting. If you live without passion, you can go through life without leaving any footprints.” 
 
* “I was blessed with a mother and father who said taste the good stuff now and realize how fortunate and how wonderful things are this minute because enough minutes are not wonderful that you have to save up all the good ones to make it balance out.” 
 
    And most importantly… don’t ever forget:
 
* “You're never too old for anything!”

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Creativity Has No Dress Size: and Other Positive Reminders..

12/17/2021

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          So I was fat shamed on my way home tonight. I was walking home from work at my day job in New Paltz NY. A town notorious for uber “liberal” individuals proud of their “social acceptance” and “non-conformity” (i.e. we have a LOT of transgendered and alternative sexuality individuals in our community. And I know this for a fact as I sell more hormone replacement drugs to patients through my pharmacy job than anyone would ever expect for such a small town). 
          I've always been kind of proud of my town for being so much more accepting and open minded compared to its other small town counterparts. We as a society are “evolving” and hypothetically becoming more accepting and supportive of other humans and their lifestyles. Except for in a few areas: 
          Overweight people and people of a certain age (i.e those of us over 30 and especially over 40) don’t appear to be in this category. I can say this because I am both: a 37 year old, obese woman. But oh my, I resent saying that "o" word. However, I am certainly overweight, and blatantly aware of it. Especially today.
          So I’m walking home from work, talking to God in my head. Ironically praying about how I desperately want to get in a place in my life where I make a living encouraging people through positive arts and my gift of writing. Because let’s be real, if I had my way, I would just get to make my living writing books, music, and musical plays with positive messages. I would be a positive influence and light in the world through writing and share love and encouragement on the daily. I mean, I DO try to do that regularly for free, but it sure would be nice to be able to officially quit my day job and do the writing thing full-time. 
          So anyway, I'm there meditating on all these positive things, feeling so driven and determined to be productive on my day off coming up. And that’s when it happened:
          Sitting at the light of a busy intersection, one block from my apartment, I walk by and hear a man yell out the window:
          “… go to Weight Watchers.”
          It cut through the traffic noise and hit me so suddenly I thought I imagined it. And my heart sank. I shifted the bag in my hand nervously and became suddenly extremely insecure. I was literally spending the last 10 minutes of my walk home meditating on how I want to encourage people and trying to brainstorm positive things I could work on during my upcoming days off and then some shit-head had to open his big stupid mouth.
          And it brought me down. Faster than I want to admit.
          Why would anyone say something so rude to someone like that? Didn’t their family teach them that common colloquial: if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” Apparently that guy never got the memo.
          And it not only hurt me, but also irritates me.
          I mean we live in a world now that is evolving so much and promoting such awareness for acceptance and equal rights of various races, genders, and sexualities- which is amazing. But we’re still so lacking in other areas- which is crazy to me. I mean I’m now 37 and feel compelled to lie about my age nearly every time I meet someone (and especially at work!) because I’ve become accustomed to feeling ashamed for being over a certain age and not further along in my professional life..and then to be fat shamed as well..
          It flabbergasts me.
          I mean, yes, I am overweight. I am now the “fattest” I have ever been in my life. But that doesn’t give anyone else the right to comment on it. Just like I wouldn’t have any right to comment on someone else’s gender, sexuality, or orientation.
          I don’t care about that stuff anyway. I’m looking at your heart. And the guy driving by yelling rude things out the window to strangers at the intersections of Chestnut and Main Street in New Paltz apparently has a real shitty heart. So I probably shouldn’t have let his words affect me so much.
          I  hate to say it, but after that experience I came home and drank an excessive amount of cherry vodka to try to block out the negative thoughts that took over my mind after that experience and didn’t get any actual writing or positive work done until this post. Which is ridiculous!                            How could I let one person and their shitty arrogant comments ruin my night and effect my feeling of self-worth like that (which it sadly did for a while).
          But no more! I am a woman on a mission, and I have too much I want to say with my life to let some dumb shmucks screw it up for me more than I sometimes feel like I already have. 
          I am elaborating on my struggle with self-worth and my process for emotional healing more in my anthology book Better Late Than Never, and expect to share more positive work in the future. And I now feel even MORE inspired to produce my EP of spoken word poetry titled “Tiffany Grand: Enough” as well as writing the anthology book by the same name.              Because I know I’m not the only one who has struggled with feeling like they aren’t enough in a world that constantly tells us we’re not good enough as ourselves on our own. And I want to help break that stigma and chain of discouragement.
          But until that time, learning to accept myself is a process. And no one else’s negative words need to be echoing through my head. I have enough demons to struggle with some days. But thankfully I’m a writer and plan to get many other positive, life affirming epiphany’s from it in the future.
          Being an overweight 37 year old woman is not my identity and has no reflection on my self worth. And if you struggle with any of these things it doesn’t have any bearing on yours either. There’s sadly going to be many more shit-heads in the world that are going to test your mental resilience but don’t let them win. You are lovable, valuable, beautiful, and have purpose just the way you are. Use the "negative Nancy's" in your life as a catalyst to be better, more loving and accepting and encouraging of others.                 I know I am. And thin or fat, I am more determined than I was yesterday to accomplish the dreams in my heart and encourage others through writing and the arts. Please follow me on this journey. New books, music, and plays coming soon! Because thankfully, creativity has no dress size. 


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Living Authentically and Letting Go of Regret: A Writer's Journey to Creating the Life She Wants

9/18/2021

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 “Embrace who you are and not who

you think you’re SUPPOSED to be.”

 
           This is something I have struggled with literally my entire life. And because of it I have spent MANY years living in regret, frustration and self-loathing. I have a problem with looking back on my life nearly constantly and beating myself up for all the things I didn’t do, wish I could redo, and obsess about how I can turn it around and use it to do good now and in my future.
             Because if I’m honest, my life is nothing like how I planned or envisioned growing up. Half the time I look at myself and feel like I barely know or like myself at all anymore.
            But this is only because I have never let myself BE my TRUE self. I have spent basically my entire life comparing myself to others, feeling bad about myself, believing I wasn’t good enough the way I was as I was in the moment, and ultimately compromised on nearly EVERYTHING in my life.
            But no more!
            I am FINALLY (thank you Lord) accepting who I am and embracing it. And I’m diving into it full force starting today. I might have wasted many years compromising on my true self and what I really want in life but now is the time to turn it around and get back on the path I was meant to be on all along.
            I’m grateful to be a writer and to have this super analytical brain. It gives me a chance to find the positive in a seemingly wasted life that has caused me so much anger, regret and shame for my “poor life choices”. And gives me an opportunity to create meaningful written work that can potentially encourage others who have struggled with the same issues as well.
            Because I know I’m not alone with this. Many people I have observed are not completely satisfied with their lives. I believe this is because most people are also not living as their authentic selves. They’ve spent years like myself, pushing their true passions and talents down, sacrificing one vision for another “more practical” one in order to live as they have been programmed they are “supposed” to. But then, are left feeling stale and always a little bit frustrated.
           If you’re NOT one of these formally tortured souls then good for you! I mean it. Please share with me your positive and empowering advice on how you did it in the comments below.
           But for the rest of us, I want to encourage you that even if you feel like you wasted your life and haven’t come anywhere near reaching your fullest potential, that it’s still not too late to try. If you’re still alive and kicking you can still turn your life around and make it what you really want. Or at least much closer to it.
             I cover all this in more detail in my upcoming book “Better Late Than Never”. It’s coming soon, guys, I promise! I’m just in the final editing stage.
             This book is a labor of love and my attempt to live as authentically as possible and finally start creating the life I have always wanted. I’ve wasted so many years trying to be someone else, changing myself to fit someone else’s narrative and disapproving of myself.                      But not anymore.
              I am little sad to say that this decision to focus on what my true heart desires- writing books, music, musical plays, and just plain continuing to be a “mental health advocate”- means I will be closing the doors on some of my other more entrepreneurial pursuits such as my store The Affirmations Gift Shop.
               I’ve worked in retail long enough (even wrote a one-act musical play about it titled “Retail! The musical) and I’ve had to be honest with myself: When I’m on my death bed and looking back on my life, I won’t be thinking “Gee, I wish I spent 12 hours a day standing around, selling merch in my own store” (which is a fine dream, btw, it’s just not MINE).
             No, I’ll be kicking myself for all the things I didn’t get to say with my life. The books I didn’t finish writing, the plays I wrote that no one ever saw, or the catchy songs that fed my soul to write that no one got to hear. And I’m not going to do that to myself.
             I spent most of my life being a tortured soul full of regret and depression from wasted potential and seemingly lost dreams. I’ve ruined more relationships, jobs, and sleep because I couldn’t shut my brain off with its obsessive misery. I’m not going to do that to myself anymore. I owe my future self. I refuse to regret the rest of my life I have left.
            And if you struggle with regret, you shouldn’t either. Be determined to be honest with yourself and what you want out of life.
            Who and what do you want to look back and see when you’re at the end of your life? Let’s make that a reality. Baby steps is all it takes. It’s BETTER LATE THAN NEVER to at least try.
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Vespa Scooters, Movie Musicals, & T-Shirt Designs: a Brief Reminder in Following Your Heart...

8/11/2021

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Picture
      I remember the first time I ever saw a Vespa scooter. I was in 7th grade and watching one of those lo-fi indie music videos for the song “Chick Magnet” by MXPX on one of those late night Christian music shows they showed on TBN. The guy in the video whizzed around on his little scooter and my heart  just swooned. I told God right then and there I wanted one of those some day.
    A cliched thing for a Junior High Schooler who was just getting into Punk Rock and Ska Music, I know (go Third Wave!) But I didn't care. Hell, I’m now in my 30’s and Ska is still one of my all time favorite music genres (that and most showtunes ;-)
    This was also around the time I got into playing electric guitar and especially the electric bass. I was completely inspired by Mike Herrera, the lead singer, songwriter and bassist for MXPX (well him and Five Iron Frenzy). This opened up a whole new world for me that helped me get through High School, College and led me to get hired to play bass and sing background vocals for a variety of Christian music artists when I later moved to Nashville TN to try to become a professional songwriter.
        Most of the events that occurred during those years of my life were complete and total head decisions and not at all what my heart was really telling me to do. But the one thing that carried through for most of that time was my love and fascination with Vespas and retro looking scooters in general.
     So just after graduation from college at Berklee College of Music, I spent a year working and saving up the money to buy one. This was ONE dream I was going to fulfill before I died, or at least before I got too old to get comfortable riding on one. And I did. It was the first major purchase I ever made in my life and this beauty was ALL MINE. No auto loans, no debt.
         Even though I always LOVED Vespas, I did end up buying a Yamaha Vino 125 instead. A scooter that looked like a traditional Vespa, got better gas mileage and cost me like $1500 less. She was a beauty. I was elated.
         Everyone in my life thought I was crazy. A female, 25 year old, bassist, who drove a hipster scooter, lived out of her worn out Converse All-Star sneakers, and dreamed of writing and directing movie musicals with empowering messages for women with fun original soundtracks. I moved from my tiny town in the Hudson Valley New York to Nashville TN, Country Music City USA. I moved down there with a handful of song demos and a couple of completed screenplays with original theme songs composed.
         My first feature length script I wanted to produce was “Crazy Like Me Too (aka the Commitment-phobe)”, a Pop/Country movie musical set in Nashville with a hipster songwriter who drove a Vespa as the lead. Was it slightly gratuitous? Probably. Was it also EXTREMELY therapeutic for me to write? Absolutely!
         This screenplay never ended up getting produced. No surprised there. As a woman who always dreamed of encouraging and empowering other women and teen girls through positive arts and media, I sure did struggle with a lot of anxiety and fear issues that prevented me from pitching and promoting myself. Hence, leaving me stuck in a life of mediocrity for more time than I’d like to admit. Which seemed to only get worse as I got older.
       But no more! I am woman on a mission who is determined to get something positive out of my disappointments and seemingly wasted years in life. Which is part of how this book
Better Late Than Never” came to be.

         So on a positive note, all my struggles and perceived “weaknesses” have given me a TON of inspiration to write and create positive work (books, music, musical plays and merchandise for my side business Affirmations Gift Shop). So it’s not all bad.
        Anyway back to the scooter. After being in several very painful motorcycle accidents on my beautiful Yamaha scooter and driving it until the ignition stopped working and pretty much EVERYTHING on it had to be replaced, I gave up the scoot-scoot life. And ya know what? I’m OK with it now.
       I lived a dream a lot of people don’t get to experience and it fulfilled it’s purpose in my life.
        Now I have a pop song written on the very Country sounding Mandolin called “Before I Die (You Only Get One Life)”. Keep a look out for the track on Apple Music, Spotify and everywhere else you can stream music. This song came out of a very rough period in my life as well, but the main lyric applies to all seasons.
    
           “No more wasting time…You only get one life.”


           Which is a constant reminder to me and hopefully anyone else who hears it to follow your heart and create the life YOU WANT because it’s your life and you only get ONE.
    
          So it seemed only fitting to design this new shirt I’m selling on my websites with a picture of MY ACTUAL scooter. Back in the day I named her “Roxy” and she became a symbol of freedom from other peoples expectations and a reminder to follow MY DREAMS- no matter how large, crazy and impossible they seemed to others.
         And this message is still the anthem of my life today.
            Tell yourself today “No more wasting time…You only get one life.” It’s time to create the life YOU WANT and it’s BETTER LATE THAN NEVER to try.
    
    
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Hey You! You’re Awesome!: Books to Help You Heal and Learn of Your Worth & Value in this World - Part 1

1/30/2021

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          I love self-help books. Stories that encourage you, inspire you, help you heal of past hurts, make you analyze yourself and the world around you- and ultimately- motivate you to be the best version of yourself possible. They can validate you like a good therapist, convict you of where you’ve been wrong in a loving way like a well-meaning parent, and advice you on ways to make your life better from this moment on. They can be written by licensed counselors, spiritual leaders, professors, or even other inspiring “regular” people with lessons from their own lives to share.                   Because of this I love self-help and Christian Inspirational books and their related themed media. And if you’re reading this post or are on any of my sites or social media pages, then I have no doubt you are probably someone who appreciates them as well.                         So I want to say hello and welcome to you my new friend. We may never get to meet in person but we are kindred spirits. And I want to see the best for you. You are valuable, capable, and deserving of the best in life. It just might take some work and honest self-reflection to fully get there but that’s OK. We’re on this healing mission of personal growth together. And that’s exactly what I hope to facilitate for you through merchandise, written media, and various but relevant product recommendations.                                                                                     Life is a journey. A long, often bumpy process to healing and self-fulfillment and I want to help make that transition as smooth as possible. By creating and promoting products and resources to encourage, inspire, empower, and remind you of your worth and value in this world.                                                                   
             I am nearly finished writing a couple of books myself. “Better Late Than Never”, “Living With Models” and “The Self-Affirmations Workbook.” In addition to a couple of one-act musicals “Retail! the musical” and “Love & Loathing in Nashvegas”: two, fun, musical plays full of encouraging messages and positive reminders.                                                                                   But while I’m also working on my own written media with positive messages, I’ve decided to get back to reading and studying some of the most relevant inspirational non-fiction books related to Self-Affirmations, Emotional Healing, letting go of regret, and finally living a confident and bold life. All the things that I’m passionate about writing on but honestly have struggled with for myself throughout much of my life. All things that will be elaborated on in later posts on my various websites, upcoming books and other media.                       
​               But we can’t allow the wounds of our past to haunt us and hold us back any longer. Easier said than done most days, I know. I’m preaching to myself here as well as I’ve been struggling with figuring out how to let go of some deep-rooted emotional baggage myself.                             
                Gotta practice what I preach, right?                                     
                So, now it’s time to get proactive. Even if you have to take it one day or even one minute at a time. That’s what I’m trying to do and I hope you are as well.                  I aim to create and share life affirming products & resources on here at  www.affirmationsgiftshop.com  & on my author site www.tiffanygrandmedia.com. I pray with my whole heart to encourage other people through this work. But honestly I haven’t always lived or believed it myself wholeheartedly because of my own wrong thinking and wounds of the past. Growing up, I felt like I always had to be my own cheerleader in life and had to proactively find ways to encourage myself through various media such as music, books, plays, films, and magazines in an attempt to pull myself out of my downward spirals of depression, anxiety, discouragement, and deep rooted anger and rejection issues.                                                                                                             Now, I would to share some of the best, most life affirming and healing work that I have encountered on my journey or that I plan to dive into soon to reaffirm myself and help facilitate emotional and psychological healing for anyone else who has also struggled.                             
               This is a daily, monthly, annual process for sure. But that’s OK too. As Christian inspirational author Joyce Meyer says, “I may not be where I want to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be. I’m OK and I’m on my way!”
            
   And so are you.                                                                             So without further ado, here is a list of some great books to help you heal, learn of your worth, and reprogram your mental computer through affirmations, positive psychology, and other methodologies. Thanks for reading. You are awesome! You are beautiful, you are lovable, and you are healing even when you don't always feel it. Don’t ever forget that.

​
* Disclaimer: This website contains endorsements for outside products and services, which means when you click on a link that we recommend and make a purchase, we may receive a commission at no additional cost to you.  Not every link is an affiliate link, but some are. This helps offset the cost of running the website and paying contributors. 

BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS

1.) “Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame” by Beverly Engel
         
This book, my friends, is one I am VERY eager to dive into. Kind of wishing I discovered it sooner. Here's an excerpt from Amazon:

"Overcome your tendency toward self-blame, self-hatred, and self-destructiveness Learn self-nurturing and set effective limits to help you control your tendency to overeat, drink too much, overspend, and/or overwork Become the person you are meant to be by being more accepting of yourself... Learn to love who you see in the mirror with the breakthrough program found in Healing Your Emotional Self.."              
2.) “The Self-Love Workbook for Women”  by Megan Logan

I haven't begun this one yet but it is DEFINITELY one I will be going through shortly. Check it out below if you enjoy the workbook style of learning. 

​"It's not always easy to treat ourselves with love and compassion--but the Self Love Workbook for Women is a simple first step. It's full of thought-provoking reflection and encouragement for women who want to build the confidence and self-esteem they need to take on the world..." 
3.) “Beauty for Ashes” by Joyce Meyer        I've read this book several times and each time it chips away and reveals to me something new. I highly recommend this book to any believer in Christ who seeking to understand emotional healing from a biblical (but straight forwardly written) perspective. Here's an excerpt from the description on Amazon:
"Isaiah 61 reveals that the Lord came to heal the brokenhearted. He wants to heal victims of abuse and emotional wounding. Joyce Meyer is a victim of the physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse she suffered as a child. Yet today she has a nationwide ministry of emotional healing to others like herself. In Beauty for Ashes she outlines major truths that brought healing in her life and describes how other victims of abuse can also experience God’s healing in their lives. You will learn: * How to Deal with the Emotional Pain of Abuse * How to Understand Your Responsibility to God for Overcoming Abuse * Why Victims of Abuse Often Suffer from Other Addictive Behaviors * How to Grab Hold of God’s Unconditional Love * The Importance of God’s Timing in Working Through Painful Memories." 
     These are just a tiny fraction of the amazing resources out there to encourage you and help you heal from emotional wounds and reprogram your mental computer one day at a time. Follow me on social media and on the website @affirmationsgiftshop (www.affirmationsgiftshop.com) and on my author social media pages @tiffanygmedia (www.tiffanygrandmedia.com) for more great book and media recommendations coming soon!
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    Author

    Tiffany Grand is an author, songwriter, playwright and mental health advocate. She's a graduate of Berklee College of Music in Boston MA and has a heart for helping people through the arts, media, and community service. Follow her on Twitter & Instagram @TiffanyGMedia

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