Maybe it’s just the Alprazolam I took to help me with the intense nerves I have every time I go on a job interview? Or the excessive over-the-counter herbal supplements I decided to stack just “in case” the pharmaceutical grade stuff wasn’t enough to calm my notoriously bad (and often embarrassing) social anxiety- complete with shaking hands, quivering voice, dry mouth and mind-blank outs I seem to get every time I have to talk about myself to nearly anyone- even people I know well.
            But at this moment, an hour after I got home from another job interview (the second one in a week) I feel way more confident about myself and ready to take my writing career and my “entrepreneurial baby” Femmespire Media to the next level.
              It’s time to practice what I preach.
             I talk a big game, always trying to encourage and empower other people to believe in themselves, not settle, and pursue their dreams whole-heartedly. But if I’m honest, I’ve never really done that for myself. Or if I have, it was probably when I had just graduated college and the world seemed all shiny and new and I felt like I could (at least eventually) do anything I took a chance on or set my mind to.
             But then shit happens, and you get left having to face your own weaknesses and inner demons that you thought you ran away from but apparently never completely did. And the old familiar feelings of insecurity, anxiety, depression, and inadequacy creeps its ugly head yet again and convinces you (well at least for me) that maybe you really aren’t good enough after all and are doomed to settle for that second-rate life you never wanted.
          Those stupid internal demons in my head have kept me up, ruined my life and stole my joy for far too long. But not anymore! Or at least after today, I feel way more confident and determined in myself to pursue my dreams and build this life I want whole-heartedly. You know, less talk and more action.
             And it’s about damn time!
            So, let me preface this by saying for the last three years I have been working a very stressful, very dissatisfying “day job” at a retail pharmacy for a large corporation. I’ve cried on the job numerous times and had more sleepless nights than I can count because I literally will be kept up ALL NIGHT long, dreading going back to work, beating myself for my “poor life choices” that have kept me trapped in this life I don’t want, doing a job I don’t care about nearly at all.
           I mean, I genuinely care about people and enjoy helping customers/patients, but this job is literally just a “day job” I do to pay my bills while I try to get myself together enough to make my living writing books and music or running my socially conscious media company and online store at Femmespire Media. And with my apparent deep-rooted, detrimental thinking about my “worth” and “value” in the world and the workforce specifically- it has been a long, bumpy journey to say the least.
            But thankfully, today, I got to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
              Six years ago, when I first moved back to Upstate New York after my father passed away, I began working for a small, mom-and-pop printing company in New Paltz NY. I mean it had its own set of problems, but I loved it. I loved the work, the clientele who consisted of mostly artists, local entrepreneurs, and college students. All people focused on building their careers and moving their creative/academic/entrepreneurial goals forward. I.E. MY PEOPLE. But that particular company had its own issues. So, when I saw a job listing on Indeed for a similar position, I of course, had to jump at it.
           So, I took my anxiety medication, stacked my OTC herbal supplements for anxiety/mood (I personally love L-Tyrosine, GABA, and Lion’s Mane…all things I will or maybe have written about previously) and went to my interview for a potential job at a screen printing/embroidery company in my home town of New Paltz NY.
            I almost didn’t respond right away.  But then I decided to because the owner Mary ended up messaging me a couple of different times to get me to set up an interview. Which kind of made me feel like hot stuff.
             I mean this was one job I felt totally qualified for. A rarity for me, as my self-esteem and anxiety level has been so low (especially lately) and I’m still sadly haunted by negative, discouraging words from my past that have held me back for too long.
            But after talking to her for at least a half-hour I had come to the conclusion- I am awesome, y’all! I mean I am writing this post before I even have gotten a response yes or no for the job, but I don’t care. I have FINALLY realized one extremely important message in life:
            I am a “beast”. I have talent, passion, and skills that most people don’t. After a year of working in a “sister printing company” I have gained many very valuable skills: Printing, marketing, booklet bindery, customer quotes, etc. After over a decade of “customer service” working for a retail pharmacy/store, a local hardware store, and my own side-hustle- I have MANY skills to offer the world. Contrary to what many people in my life have acknowledged over the years.
                 Anyway, that’s when it happened.
              I was walking down route 32, which is only a half mile from my apartment. I was wearing my favorite black beaded choker necklace and my burgundy sweater that always makes me feel classy. I had my expensive Clarks leather boots on instead of my usual knit no-name sneakers I bought online.
                 But I finally felt like the Queen I always preach to other women to believe they are- whether that be in person or through my website/social media pages. Yes, I AM a beast too. I have many skills, strengths, passions, and things in general to offer many businesses. I have many positive things to offer my own “ideal” media company, Femmespire Media, my author brand “Tiffany Grand Media” and other businesses locally and online in my life around me.
          Most importantly, I realized one majorly important thing: I AM AWESOME! And after speaking to many other business owners, I am overqualified for many jobs. Sure, I may 'lack' many skills in life: “extroversion”, building EXCEL Pivot tables, Public Speaking, etc. As of 2023, I have about 15 years of customer service experience. And even though that doesn’t encompass every needed skill, it does indeed fill in a lot.
            I might have spent 15 years beating myself up, comparing myself to other people and over analyzing my skills, strengths and weaknesses. But I am FINALLY learning about my strengths and what I have to offer certain industries and the world around me. I def have some baggage from the past (which I will elaborate on in later posts/books) that have held me back and prevented me from living my best life possible for too long- but it’s time to change. Sometimes it might take you to step out of your comfort zone, face your deep-rooted insecurities and fears, and just put yourself out there. But once you do it might change everything.
            I had been literally hating myself for way too long. Hating the life I was living, hating the choices I made before, and hating the person I felt like I was becoming- or doomed to become. But not after today!
            I now see that I have soo many awesome skills, talents, passions, and gifts to offer the world. And, so do you!
             It might not take you to go through a bunch of mediocre job interviews to rediscover your unique strengths and experience, or for you to battle massive mental health issues in anxiety and depression like I have. You might not have to take pharmaceutical grade anxiety medications or stack herbal supplements to finally have peace and confidence in yourself (but that’s completely OK if you do).
            My “day job” from late 2019-early 2023 has been spent working in a retail pharmacy, where literally half of my clientele was on anti-anxiety, anti-depressants, or ADHD medication (that is until the national shortage hit). So, if you battle mental health issues or struggle with feeling like you’re not “good enough”, not “qualified” or “looked over” for whatever reason- I want you to know you are NOT ALONE. And most importantly, you are NOT doomed for a second-rate life.
          You do NOT have to settle for anything that doesn’t feel truly “authentic” to you and your life goals- whatever they are or however “crazy” they seem. And it’s BETTER LATE THAN NEVER to realize/discover/believe in your worth and value in life. Because you ARE worth more than you know, have more to offer than you’ve been told in the past, and can do and can accomplish more than you ever imagined. Please don’t forget that!
 
Love & Lightbulbs,
 
Tiffany Grand
           
           

          Betty White: comedian, actress, author, animal rights activist, and cultural icon. God and the universe may have decided to take her from us today, Dec. 31, 2021, just a couple weeks before her highly anticipated 100th birthday. An icing on the cake of an already turbulent year. But her life, legacy and joy she brought the world will live on through all the work she did, the laughs she spread, and the wisdom she shared.
          She was an inspiration to everyone- America’s “Golden Girl”- and gave hope to people everywhere that it IS POSSIBLE to live a long, happy, healthy, and productive life far into our golden years. In a society that often tells people (particularly women) that they are done and washed up at 40 years old- Betty broke the mold. And she continued to do so nearly 60 years over.
          So of course, on New Years’ Eve (a time when I am particularly stressing about how to reposition myself and get my life to where I want it to be) I decided- what better way to encourage, empower and inspire people on how to live their best lives possible than by sharing some of the best, most positive quotes from Betty White?
          Because let’s be honest, 2021 was a crap shoot for most of us. And I’m sure we’re all hoping, trying and praying to muster up the strength, inspiration, vision and direction to make 2022 (and every year after) the best yet. Or at least keep improving on and pushing forward the best we can.
          But I personally want to help people THRIVE and not just SURVIVE in this life. Because we only get one. So, I also hope to encourage people that it’s never too late to create the life you want and be happy through my upcoming book release “Better Late Than Never”. 
           But until that book is out, who better to quote than Betty White: America’s Sweetheart and “everybody’s grandmother that you want to party with”.
           So, without further ado, here are some of the most empowering quotes from Betty White to encourage you that ‘age ain’t nothing but a number’ and your dreams and “resolutions” are still possible at ANY age. I hope it encourages you and helps push you to live your best life in 2022 like it does me. Because you can. You are capable, you are stronger than you think and it’s BETTER LATE THAN NEVER to create the life you want.
                             *********************
 
10 QUOTES from BETTY WHITE to Encourage You When Getting Older Scares You and Going into the New Year Makes You Cringe:
 
* “Don't try to be young. Just open your mind. Stay interested in stuff. There are so many things I won't live long enough to find out about, but I'm still curious about them. You know people who are already saying, 'I'm going to be 30 - oh, what am I going to do?' Well, use that decade! Use them all!”
 
* “It's your outlook on life that counts. If you take yourself lightly and don't take yourself too seriously, pretty soon you can find the humor in our everyday lives. And sometimes it can be a lifesaver.”
 
* “I think older women still have a full life.”

* “I think it's your mental attitude. So many of us start dreading age in high school and that's a waste of a lovely life. 'Oh... I'm 30, oh, I'm 40, oh, 50.' Make the most of it.”
 
* “Kindness and consideration of somebody besides yourself. I think that keeps you feeling young. I really do.”

​* “My mother always used to say, "The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana.”
 
* “Mind your own business, take care of your affairs, and don’t worry about other people so much.” 
 
* “Everybody needs a passion. That’s what keeps life interesting. If you live without passion, you can go through life without leaving any footprints.” 
 
* “I was blessed with a mother and father who said taste the good stuff now and realize how fortunate and how wonderful things are this minute because enough minutes are not wonderful that you have to save up all the good ones to make it balance out.” 
 
    And most importantly… don’t ever forget:
 
* “You're never too old for anything!”

 “Embrace who you are and not who

you think you’re SUPPOSED to be.”
 
           This is something I have struggled with literally my entire life. And because of it I have spent MANY years living in regret, frustration and self-loathing. I have a problem with looking back on my life nearly constantly and beating myself up for all the things I didn’t do, wish I could redo, and obsess about how I can turn it around and use it to do good now and in my future.
             Because if I’m honest, my life is nothing like how I planned or envisioned growing up. Half the time I look at myself and feel like I barely know or like myself at all anymore.
            But this is only because I have never let myself BE my TRUE self. I have spent basically my entire life comparing myself to others, feeling bad about myself, believing I wasn’t good enough the way I was as I was in the moment, and ultimately compromised on nearly EVERYTHING in my life.
            But no more!
            I am FINALLY (thank you Lord) accepting who I am and embracing it. And I’m diving into it full force starting today. I might have wasted many years compromising on my true self and what I really want in life but now is the time to turn it around and get back on the path I was meant to be on all along.
            I’m grateful to be a writer and to have this super analytical brain. It gives me a chance to find the positive in a seemingly wasted life that has caused me so much anger, regret and shame for my “poor life choices”. And gives me an opportunity to create meaningful written work that can potentially encourage others who have struggled with the same issues as well.
            Because I know I’m not alone with this. Many people I have observed are not completely satisfied with their lives. I believe this is because most people are also not living as their authentic selves. They’ve spent years like myself, pushing their true passions and talents down, sacrificing one vision for another “more practical” one in order to live as they have been programmed they are “supposed” to. But then, are left feeling stale and always a little bit frustrated.
           If you’re NOT one of these formally tortured souls then good for you! I mean it. Please share with me your positive and empowering advice on how you did it in the comments below.
           But for the rest of us, I want to encourage you that even if you feel like you wasted your life and haven’t come anywhere near reaching your fullest potential, that it’s still not too late to try. If you’re still alive and kicking you can still turn your life around and make it what you really want. Or at least much closer to it.
             I cover all this in more detail in my upcoming book “Better Late Than Never”. It’s coming soon, guys, I promise! I’m just in the final editing stage.
             This book is a labor of love and my attempt to live as authentically as possible and finally start creating the life I have always wanted. I’ve wasted so many years trying to be someone else, changing myself to fit someone else’s narrative and disapproving of myself.                      But not anymore.
              I am little sad to say that this decision to focus on what my true heart desires- writing books, music, musical plays, and just plain continuing to be a “mental health advocate”- means I will be closing the doors on some of my other more entrepreneurial pursuits such as my store The Affirmations Gift Shop.
               I’ve worked in retail long enough (even wrote a one-act musical play about it titled “Retail! The musical) and I’ve had to be honest with myself: When I’m on my death bed and looking back on my life, I won’t be thinking “Gee, I wish I spent 12 hours a day standing around, selling merch in my own store” (which is a fine dream, btw, it’s just not MINE).
             No, I’ll be kicking myself for all the things I didn’t get to say with my life. The books I didn’t finish writing, the plays I wrote that no one ever saw, or the catchy songs that fed my soul to write that no one got to hear. And I’m not going to do that to myself.
             I spent most of my life being a tortured soul full of regret and depression from wasted potential and seemingly lost dreams. I’ve ruined more relationships, jobs, and sleep because I couldn’t shut my brain off with its obsessive misery. I’m not going to do that to myself anymore. I owe my future self. I refuse to regret the rest of my life I have left.
            And if you struggle with regret, you shouldn’t either. Be determined to be honest with yourself and what you want out of life.
            Who and what do you want to look back and see when you’re at the end of your life? Let’s make that a reality. Baby steps is all it takes. It’s BETTER LATE THAN NEVER to at least try.

          I love self-help books. Stories that encourage you, inspire you, help you heal of past hurts, make you analyze yourself and the world around you- and ultimately- motivate you to be the best version of yourself possible. They can validate you like a good therapist, convict you of where you’ve been wrong in a loving way like a well-meaning parent, and advice you on ways to make your life better from this moment on. They can be written by licensed counselors, spiritual leaders, professors, or even other inspiring “regular” people with lessons from their own lives to share.                   Because of this I love self-help and Christian Inspirational books and their related themed media. And if you’re reading this post or are on any of my sites or social media pages, then I have no doubt you are probably someone who appreciates them as well.                         So I want to say hello and welcome to you my new friend. We may never get to meet in person but we are kindred spirits. And I want to see the best for you. You are valuable, capable, and deserving of the best in life. It just might take some work and honest self-reflection to fully get there but that’s OK. We’re on this healing mission of personal growth together. And that’s exactly what I hope to facilitate for you through merchandise, written media, and various but relevant product recommendations.                                                                                     Life is a journey. A long, often bumpy process to healing and self-fulfillment and I want to help make that transition as smooth as possible. By creating and promoting products and resources to encourage, inspire, empower, and remind you of your worth and value in this world.                                                                   
             I am nearly finished writing a couple of books myself. “Better Late Than Never”, “Living With Models” and “The Self-Affirmations Workbook.” In addition to a couple of one-act musicals “Retail! the musical” and “Love & Loathing in Nashvegas”: two, fun, musical plays full of encouraging messages and positive reminders.                                                                                   But while I’m also working on my own written media with positive messages, I’ve decided to get back to reading and studying some of the most relevant inspirational non-fiction books related to Self-Affirmations, Emotional Healing, letting go of regret, and finally living a confident and bold life. All the things that I’m passionate about writing on but honestly have struggled with for myself throughout much of my life. All things that will be elaborated on in later posts on my various websites, upcoming books and other media.                       
​               But we can’t allow the wounds of our past to haunt us and hold us back any longer. Easier said than done most days, I know. I’m preaching to myself here as well as I’ve been struggling with figuring out how to let go of some deep-rooted emotional baggage myself.                             
                Gotta practice what I preach, right?                                     
                So, now it’s time to get proactive. Even if you have to take it one day or even one minute at a time. That’s what I’m trying to do and I hope you are as well.                  I aim to create and share life affirming products & resources on here at  www.affirmationsgiftshop.com  & on my author site www.tiffanygrandmedia.com. I pray with my whole heart to encourage other people through this work. But honestly I haven’t always lived or believed it myself wholeheartedly because of my own wrong thinking and wounds of the past. Growing up, I felt like I always had to be my own cheerleader in life and had to proactively find ways to encourage myself through various media such as music, books, plays, films, and magazines in an attempt to pull myself out of my downward spirals of depression, anxiety, discouragement, and deep rooted anger and rejection issues.                                                                                                             Now, I would to share some of the best, most life affirming and healing work that I have encountered on my journey or that I plan to dive into soon to reaffirm myself and help facilitate emotional and psychological healing for anyone else who has also struggled.                             
               This is a daily, monthly, annual process for sure. But that’s OK too. As Christian inspirational author Joyce Meyer says, “I may not be where I want to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be. I’m OK and I’m on my way!”
               And so are you.                                                                             So without further ado, here is a list of some great books to help you heal, learn of your worth, and reprogram your mental computer through affirmations, positive psychology, and other methodologies. Thanks for reading. You are awesome! You are beautiful, you are lovable, and you are healing even when you don't always feel it. Don’t ever forget that.

​* Disclaimer: This website contains endorsements for outside products and services, which means when you click on a link that we recommend and make a purchase, we may receive a commission at no additional cost to you.  Not every link is an affiliate link, but some are. This helps offset the cost of running the website and paying contributors. 

BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS

1.) “Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame” by Beverly Engel
         
This book, my friends, is one I am VERY eager to dive into. Kind of wishing I discovered it sooner. Here's an excerpt from Amazon:

"Overcome your tendency toward self-blame, self-hatred, and self-destructiveness Learn self-nurturing and set effective limits to help you control your tendency to overeat, drink too much, overspend, and/or overwork Become the person you are meant to be by being more accepting of yourself... Learn to love who you see in the mirror with the breakthrough program found in Healing Your Emotional Self.."              

2.) “The Self-Love Workbook for Women”  by Megan Logan

I haven't begun this one yet but it is DEFINITELY one I will be going through shortly. Check it out below if you enjoy the workbook style of learning. 

​"It's not always easy to treat ourselves with love and compassion--but the Self Love Workbook for Women is a simple first step. It's full of thought-provoking reflection and encouragement for women who want to build the confidence and self-esteem they need to take on the world..." 

3.) “Beauty for Ashes” by Joyce Meyer        I've read this book several times and each time it chips away and reveals to me something new. I highly recommend this book to any believer in Christ who seeking to understand emotional healing from a biblical (but straight forwardly written) perspective. Here's an excerpt from the description on Amazon:
"Isaiah 61 reveals that the Lord came to heal the brokenhearted. He wants to heal victims of abuse and emotional wounding. Joyce Meyer is a victim of the physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse she suffered as a child. Yet today she has a nationwide ministry of emotional healing to others like herself. In Beauty for Ashes she outlines major truths that brought healing in her life and describes how other victims of abuse can also experience God’s healing in their lives. You will learn: * How to Deal with the Emotional Pain of Abuse * How to Understand Your Responsibility to God for Overcoming Abuse * Why Victims of Abuse Often Suffer from Other Addictive Behaviors * How to Grab Hold of God’s Unconditional Love * The Importance of God’s Timing in Working Through Painful Memories." 

     These are just a tiny fraction of the amazing resources out there to encourage you and help you heal from emotional wounds and reprogram your mental computer one day at a time. Follow me on social media and on the website @affirmationsgiftshop (www.affirmationsgiftshop.com) and on my author social media pages @tiffanygmedia (www.tiffanygrandmedia.com) for more great book and media recommendations coming soon!

         Tiffany Grand: Author-Songwriter-Playwright-Media Producer-Publisher, and now... Online Retail Store owner. Yes, my list of adjectives is long (and I expect to keep growing as long as I'm still breathing). But this post is written specifically to share about my newest creative/professional/"Baby".
            The AFFIRMATIONS GIFT SHOP
          A new online store specializing in selling original designed products (designed by me of course) such as shirts, jewelry, mugs, pillows, throw blankets, books and more. All with inspirational and life affirming messages to encourage people, empower people, and help them heal and learn of their worth one product and post at a time. 
           But I won't lie, it's also going to be a place for me to share and promote some of my more inspiring and uplifting books, music and magazine publications (hence why I justify shamelessly plugging it on this website now). Like the upcoming inspirational non-fiction book "Better Late Than Never" or my developing self-help book "The Self-Affirmations Workbook: Reprogramming Your Mental Computer. Because the Words We Speak to and About Ourselves are What's Most Important".  I will be selling these and more in the online store. Then eventually- God willing- I would like to be a presence at physical locations such as craft fairs, festivals, pop-up shops and ideally my own brick and mortar location. Complete with it's own stage set up for showcasing live performances of positive musical acts, live theatre, inspirational speakers and book readings by inspirational authors. That's a lot. I know. But a girl can dream, can't she? 
           And with Christmas just around the corner, it seemed like the perfect time to finally get this business idea off the ground. So please consider checking out www.affirmationsgiftshop.com for some of your holiday & birthday giving needs. Full of positive merch to help encourage yourself and those around you. 
             Please like and follow the Affirmations Gift Shop on Facebook and Instagram @affirmationsgiftshop. And of course continue following me on here and social media @TiffanyGMedia for the most up-to-date info on my newest releases in music, books, theatre, and film. Thanks. XOXO. 

          So, Friday was my birthday. I spent the night before and the morning of being terribly depressed, obsessing about what I want to do with my future and beating myself up about my choices in the past. All because at now 36, my life looks nothing like I planned when I was in High School, a time when I felt like I knew myself the best. Somewhere along the way I got lost.  I stopped following my heart and started using my head, making decisions based on what I thought were more practical or that I thought other people would approve of instead of boldly and unapologetically pursuing the real dreams in my heart. Somewhere along the way I stopped being authentic. Or maybe I never really was. But no more!
          In reality, I have a nice life and am working on a lot of great projects that I’m very proud of. I’ve got a few one act musical plays that I’ve written and will be producing when this whole Covid19/Social Distancing craziness is over. I’m currently in the process of producing demos for the soundtracks for the shows and other music to encourage people. As well as a bunch of other projects that are still in the early stages.
          But in the last few years I had suffered so much regret and self-loathing for how I let my life turn out, I admit I haven’t fully enjoyed the last few years at all. I’m never living in the moment because I’m always either too busy kicking myself for my past decisions (not following my heart) and stuck worrying about what to do now so I don’t suffer the same regrets in the future. Neither of which make me a fun person to be around, and my poor boyfriend, bless his heart, gets ignored more than I like to admit because I’m always so lost in my head to give him attention. Another thing I’m sure I’ll regret in the future, but that’s a message for another day.
          The point is that I’m this far into adulthood and I’m still thrashing around trying to figure out who I am, who I want to be, and how to get BACK to the person I was supposed to be all along. Right now I feel so behind. Like 10-15 years behind. There’s so much work that would need to be done in order to make up for all the time and experiences I missed out on and to do everything I always planned to have done by this time in my life. It’s overwhelming and frustrating to think about. And I admit, I go through these ruts that sometimes last weeks and even months where I’m so overwhelmed and discouraged, losing out on hope, that I don’t do anything but obsessively Google random stuff online or just reread drafts of scripts over and over again in an anxiety ridden haze. And then one day I wake up, more motivated and determined than ever to write and create, only to be frustrated again because I realize how much MORE time I wasted that I could have used to help me get closer to my dreams and living my passion. And thus, the vicious cycle continues.
          I know I’m not the only one who struggles with these kinds of things. So I want to encourage others with a lesson I’m learning. You might have made mistakes or feel like you missed your chance, but if you’re still alive and kicking then you can STILL pursue the life you imagined. It might have to happen differently than how you originally envisioned when you were young and unencumbered by the negativity and discouragement from the world, your own limiting thinking, or well-meaning but unbelieving people in your life. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least TRY.  
           It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you were on the right path. You can always get back to it. All you have to do it “Start where you are. Pick up where you left off. And get back to doing what has always been deep in your heart.”

 
      So I had a bit of an emotional blow today. My boyfriend Adam, well-meaning and supportive as he is, decided it would be a good idea to share some of my new music on a local community group on Facebook today. He’s proud of me and the work that I’ve been doing creatively and felt like this would help get me more public exposure to propel my brand forward.
         Sounds logical enough, right?
         I guess we were wrong.
    When he first told me what he did, my skin crawled. I was so embarrassed! It was just a short video of me singing an excerpt from my upcoming musical play “Retail! the Musical”. A show I absolutely can NOT WAIT to put on and share with the world but that will undoubtedly have to be put on hold while we as a country face this COVID19 pandemic (ya know, for social distancing and all).
       In the first 15 minutes of it being posted to the group page, my view count increased dramatically. I finally started to get excited. After all, I’m familiar with over half of the people in this community through my years of customer service (which is the inspiration behind this particular musical play he was promoting). I started to believe my fellow New Paltz NY people would be supportive of their local girl doing something positive. The song he shared is titled “Enlarge Your Vision”. Although I admit it’s a completely irrelevant message during a national health pandemic. But it’s a positive, encouraging message for anyone still holding on to a dream, and I think THAT is always relevant and well needed during any crisis.
    Well, apparently, the people of our local community group felt differently. Within a half hour or so the video clip had already been deleted. Which, I admit, was a hurtful blow to my ego. I mean we weren’t trying to sell anything or promote anything negative. Something that a lot of those people in the group can’t say for themselves (I’ve witnessed so much hate and discourse within that community since becoming a member. The thought to remove myself from the group voluntarily is a weekly occurrence).    
       So, my only other thought behind their reasoning of removing my video was because they didn’t like it. That maybe I secretly suck at writing and singing and should give it up entirely. Which, as I write those words now I know that is absolute absurdity! After all, I’m just a writer and media producer, trying to create positive multimedia through my personal brand www.TiffanyGrandMedia.com and my business brand www.FemmespireMedia.com. Who wouldn’t like that?
       But the thought did cross my mind. And why? Because I struggle with my own inner demons and emotional wounds. Hearing echoes of negative, critical voices in my head from the past. It’s a constant struggle, and one I fight with daily, almost hourly. I'm even working on a book titled "The Self-Affirmations Workbook: Reprogramming Your Mental Computer. Because the Words We Speak to and About Ourselves is What's Most Important". I'm passionate about the issues of mental health and encouraging others to live their truths. 
         But this is also my motivation behind everything else I am trying to do with my life. All of the plays I’m writing, the songs I’m creating, the video game against abuse that I’m developing, and all the encouraging little posts I try to release for social media. It’s all to encourage, inspire, and empower other people who struggle, or have struggled with the feelings of insecurity, worthlessness, discouragement, regret, shame, self-loathing, and rage against those who misunderstand them or don’t see their worth entirely.
      I’ve been there. And for more days that I like to admit…I’m still there. Fighting along with you. But I just want to encourage you and anyone else who has ever felt rejected and invisible that you are lovable and valuable just the way you are right now- even if other’s don’t see you. (listen to this song demo when you need a reminder of your worth) Don’t let anyone else dim your shine. You just keep pushing through and doing you. That’s what I’m going to keep doing.
        Today, my boyfriend Adam is building me a vocal recording booth. So I can finally produce more professional quality recordings of my songs. Songs that I might release as a solo recording artist, but mostly for soundtrack albums for my musical plays and short films coming up when this whole social distancing/self-quarantine/Covid19 craziness is over. I’m determined to encourage and share positivity with other people, even if SOME PEOPLE aren’t open to sharing mine.
       This is a crazy, scary time we live in right now. But I am confident it will get better. And like my song that they deleted says “You’ve got to enlarge your vision. Take a leap of faith. Expect more from your life and be bold in the choices that you make. Some might call you crazy, unrealistic and naive. You’ve got to enlarge your vision, and never give up on your dreams.”